Wedding Wednesday is a feature I created so that, for the next year, I can talk about my wedding planning progress, review wedding books, give wedding tips, share bookish wedding ideas, talk about weddings in books, etc. Pretty much whatever I want. It’s going to be a big part of my life so I decided it deserves a place here on my book blog as my life is changing. Find more about it here!
Last week I showed you all what our reception venue looked like which was super fun but this post is a bit more serious!
As most of you know, I lost my mom to cancer in 2006 and Will recently lost his dad to ALS last year. Needless to say, two HUGE parts of our life are going to be missing from this special day. I’ve heard of people doing different sorts of things “in honor” of important people who had passed — mentions in the programs, pictures at the reception, candles on the alter, a moment of silence, etc.
On an evil wedding board (which I’m learning I don’t want to be a part of at ALL because people have been really quite rude thus far) I had mentioned that I was just looking for any other ideas that people had or what they had done..if anything at all. I was leaning towards having both of us place a rose on the seat where our parents would be sitting (*not at the reception but at the pew in the church) and have that mentioned in the program why we were doing that. I want to do something to signify the importance both my mom and his dad has played in our life even if they weren’t able to share in this with us. I stated clearly that I didn’t want to do anything that would make it a sobfest like a funeral but felt that our parents deserved more than a tiny afterthought on the back of the program. That’s just me. I’ve spoken with my boyfriend about it, my sister, my stepdad..everyone seems to like the idea of the roses. I also want to incorporate purple somehow either in our colors or SOMETHING because it was my mom’s favorite color…and not like a random fact that someone asks you like “oh, yeah I guess my fave color is this..” …but like you KNEW it was her fave color…it was a part of her lol.
Anyways, some person on the board posted this in response:
Memorials can be a dreadful shock to other family members who arrive at the wedding (joyous occasion) and are suddenly confronted with an unexpected reminder of their loss. For a spouse, it can be excruciating.
I would not be okay with a photograph of my dead husband, or an empty chair, at the kids’ weddings. The graduations and other milestone events were bad enough….. that would be a knife in the heart.
You can’t “include” a dead person in something, so please be kind to the living.