This post is inspired by this past Tuesday’s Top Ten Tuesday topic in which we all shared our most scandalous bookish confessions & the popular meme that was going around other blogging communities called Things I’m Afraid To Tell You. I saw it here.
I limited my list this Tuesday to more reading/habit based confessions. I left blogging out of it. But then I got to thinking, since I’m all about being open and honest and genuine on my blog, maybe I should do a little confessing of the book blogging variety. It’s easy for us to glance around at the community and see shiny, perfect blogs. It always looks like everyone has it together. Everyone is so confident. Maybe some of them do and are. I certainly don’t. You will see that by the end of this post.
Things I’m Afraid To Tell You About My Blog & Myself As A Blogger
1. I often feel inadequate as a book blogger because I don’t read nearly as many books as my fellow bloggers. It’s a combination of a busy life, being really easily distracted on the internet & sometimes loving to savor what I’m reading. I see book bloggers churn out so many book reviews and see their end of year reading stats and I feel like I’m a horrible book blogger. It’s just hard for me to juggle ALL of the other things I love to do with reading…and seriously my inability to get off the damn internet is also a problem. This always results in me feeling less well read then most bloggers. Conversations go like this:
Blogger: Have you read this book?
Me: No, I haven’t gotten around to that one.
Blogger: WHAT? Surely you’ve read that book. Everyone has. It’s like the holy grail of YA books. How could you have not? I bet you’ve read this book then…
Me: Nope. Haven’t read that author yet.
Blogger: Who are you?
2. I struggle to write reviews. I’m not really a great review writer to be honest. I could talk your ear off all day and tell you what I liked and disliked and all my favorite parts but I really struggle to put pen to paper and organize my thoughts in a coherent manner. I’m all over the place. That’s why most of my reviews tend to be more conversational than anything. Gotta go with what you know, yes? But I do envy some bloggers who write these incredible reviews. I wish I could.
3. Sometimes I feel like an outsider sitting at the uncool kids table. I know I’ve got my blogging bffs and my amazing readers but sometimes I get all insecure (psh yep I thought that would go away when I got older) about if people like me and if they like my blog. I think it stems from the fact I’ve never really had girl friends before so I’m awkward and insecure about it all. I think it’s probably pretty natural to want people to like you and appreciate what you do but sometimes, in my head & to Will & some very close blogging friends, I’m a big baby about it. Wahhh..nobody likes me. Wahhh nobody is talking to me. Wahh nobody appreciates or recognizes anything I do. Wahhh everybody is all bffs and I want to be friends too. Wahh I feel excluded. Seriously, in these moments I am the stupidest person alive. lol. And then logic and sometimes a good kick in the pants from a blogging bff and I’m all back to normal — knowing that I have the support of a good chunk of the blogging community. I know that when my brain isn’t having a Toddlers And Tiara sized meltdown.
4. Related to numero uno on this list, I have stopped reading some chunkster-esque books on my TBR because I feel this insane pressure to pump out reviews. It’s also led me to not read some of the classics I’ve had on my shelves for so long. I am working on this because there is no reason why I shouldn’t read things I really want to read just because they might take me longer.
5. I am never ahead with the blog. The most posts I’ve ever had scheduled ahead of time is 2 or 3. That was a big deal. I know bloggers who are months ahead. I WISH. I am a world class procrastinator and most of the time I am furiously typing away before I go to bed to get a post done. I wish I was more organized but this is how I work apparently. Hey, it worked for me in college. I’d be writing a paper up until the last second and running out the door to hand it in and I’d still get the same A as the girl who had the paper done a week in advance. I don’t get myself.
6. I used to be really fanatical about having posts all the time but I’ve really relaxed in the past year or so. It probably had to do with some blog soul searching & reflecting I did and creating my blogging manifesto but I do NOT care one bit if my blog goes silent for a week or two. The wedding was the ultimate test of that because my blog was prettyyy silent this summer. I used to feel panicky and my palms would sweat at the thought of not posting every day but now I feel so less stressed about it.
7. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulder once I moved to WordPress and could no longer have the google friend connect widget anymore. While I never let follower counts be a main focus of my blog (I value content and community), I would secretly obsess over the count. I remember I was freaking out that I’d lose all 1,500 of my followers if I switched and about what publishers would think without my follower count. Then I did it and BOOM. I can’t even tell you how much I love not having it anymore. Seriously.
8. I don’t get swag. It just doesn’t appeal to me at all. Neither do a lot of the other things in the blogging community but I don’t want to name them for fear of making someone feel bad. It’s just me. I’m really kind of simple in terms of my blog and don’t do a lot of the other things. Just a personal preference.
9. I am the worst giveaway host in the world because I take forever to send out giveaways. They always go out but it takes me SO LONG because I can never get to the post office at the times they are open and my Saturdays are never free really.
10. I don’t read a lot of book blogs anymore. I have my favorites in my reader, visit people who leave meaningful comments (when I’m on my game and commenting!) and I’ll click on links when something piques my interest but I have severely cut down on the amount of blogs I follow. I don’t have time to read all the book blogs out there. I wish I could so I could encourage everyone but it became too much. Also, I just found myself to feel like a lot of blogs clumped together in my mind and so I kept the ones that vividly stood out to me either because of their personality, their spot on recommendations, their tastes, etc. There are many reasons that keep me coming back.
11. Sometimes I get jealous. Not so much of because of what people get from publishers (I think I’m blessed that I get anything at all and I’m thankful when I do) but more so I feel like I am so uncreative and not as eloquent as everybody else. I’m jealous of those posts that are genius, that make you think, that make you laugh or that motivate change. It’s not a bitter jealousy but it’s jealousy nonetheless.
12. My blog email is overflowing. I am the worst at managing it. I have like a thousand emails in there. It’s my goal this fall to organize and delete.
13. Since I started this blog (and The Broke and the Bookish) at the end of June 2010 I have almost quit quite a few times. Sometimes it’s when I’m in one of those Blogger Pity Party modes for myself and I get all down on myself about my blog, sometimes it’s when I am super busy and blogging seems like a burden. Sometimes it’s when I feel uninspired or like nobody is listening. Other times it’s because I contemplate whether or not I WANT to read this much and spend so much time online when I could be out doing other things. I really do think about that sometimes. I LOVE reading but I have never read this compulsively or quickly before blogging. And then blogging about it takes even more time. I think about how every moment I’m blogging I’m giving up time to do other things…just like with anything else you spend your time doing. But when I’m RIGHT THERE on the edge of YES I AM QUITTING something pulls me back in. So, until the day I go over the I Quit Blogging Cliff, I’m here. I’ll quit when I’m done and clearly I’m not.
14. I don’t read every day. I try to read every day (and mostly succeed) but sometimes I go for days or even a week without picking up a book. Sometimes I just need to do something else. I get burnt out. Or sometimes I’m just too busy.
Annnd that’s all my blogging confessions for now. It was quite therapeutic. Not that you ever thought I had my crap together but if you did…the veil has been lifted! Tell me..if you are a blogger…do you have any blogging confessions? If you aren’t a blogger, tell me some of your bookish confessions!