At night after dinner and before the gym, Will and I will put on reruns of Two and a Half Men and Big Bang Theory while I blog or read and he looks at shoes (he is a Nike whore) and does whatever he does on ESPN.com (seriously I don’t understand how he spends that much time on there..there are only a certain amount of games!). We were watching last night and I wasn’t really paying attention until this clip because that is SO ME!
I’m sure MANY a book blogger could have this same meltdown.
(You can skip to about 1:25 where it actually becomes relevant to my discussion. Favorite line: “Look at them all! They’re mocking me. I haven’t read any of them” )
I’ve been having this freakout a lot lately. Mostly because tons of big life things have happened in my life and my family’s so I’m like WAIT WAIT WAIT where has time gone?? How is my baby sister going to college next year? How am I almost 30?? TIME OUT PLEASE. Then I feel the need to drop everything and go do ALL OF THE THINGS I want to do.
My freakout comes out the most in two areas:
1. When I think about all the places I’ll never get to see and experience. The people I’ll never meet while exploring. The food I’ll never try. The sunsets and sunrises I’ll never gaze upon from a new vantage point.
2. The books I’ll never read.
Let’s talk about that point number 2 since HEY this blog here talks a lot about books. I seriously stare at my shelves wide eyed sometimes knowing all that I own. Plus calculating the number of new releases coming out this year. AND THEN thinking about all of the amazing books that everyone raves about that I’ve never read and have been out for years or decades or centuries. I could start hyperventilating now.
I mean LOGICALLY I know HEY JAMIE..you can’t read them all. Get over it. There is just no way. And honestly I don’t want to spend my life holed up ONLY reading books. So there’s that. But sometimes I just very overwhelmed about the stories I’ll never read and the characters I’ll never meet and the way my life might be changed in some way by an amazing story. There’s so many good sounding books and I’m sure some will be duds but I want to inhale them all. I feel a little bit of this same book story frenzy Alan experiences whenever I think about it too much. I try to prioritize my reads according to what is personally important to me but even then…I know I’ll never get through even a fraction of what I want to. It’s maddening!
And really I know it is just a much bigger reflection of what I think about LIFE and not having enough time to do all the things I want to do. Reading is just one of those things. When the crazy part of my brain pipes down I know that I just need to enjoy what I experience in life, not think too much about what I could miss out on and prioritize the hell out of my life — in books and all other things. Make time for the things that mean a lot and interest me. Allow myself to cease doing things I don’t enjoy or make me feel lively anymore (or stop reading books that aren’t grabbing me). Recognize when my priorities and tastes and interests change and be ok with it because that invites NEW things.
Whew, I need to breathe before I have an existential crisis. I will say I think it is helping me, in theory, to not BUY books at this breakneck pace that I do because realistically a lot are just going to sit. It’s really getting me excited (sort of) to cull my books more often and get rid of things that don’t match my tastes anymore!
Do you guys have freakouts like Alan did? Do you feel absolutely overwhelmed by all the books you know you are going to never be able to read? How do you prioritize? Do you cull books that you have bought but over the years haven’t read and your interests just aren’t there anymore? If anything, PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one who thinks about this too much.