I KNOW…it’s Tuesday and I don’t have a top ten list up. My list is actually up at The Broke and the Bookish today so go check that out! I figured since I did the list over THERE perhaps I would talk about something that has been weighing on my mind recently.
Most of the time I’m pretty good at knowing what books might be the right ones to suit my mood (because you know I’m a crazy mood reader so that’s important). But lately I’ve just had a hard time because what I want is so, so specific. It’s not even a particular genre or theme or what not that I’m looking for. Nothing I can really anticipate.
And I try to ask for recommendations and I’m so unhelpful because I can’t even begin to describe what I REALLY want when people ask what I’m looking for or in the mood for. I tend to say something like, “I want a mindblowingly good book” and then I get some good recommendations but I realize how subjective it is and how maybe that’s not even what I mean. I mean, I’ve read some mindblowingly good books recently. Some GREAT, AMAZING books that I would reread and recommend over and over again until I’m blue in the face.
And the mood I’m in right now? Those books, that I’ve given 4 or maybe even 5 stars, don’t even fit the bill of what I’m looking for right now. No matter how much they moved me or made me cry or REALLY GOT INTO MY SOUL. It’s weird.
Sometimes I want something and I don’t even know what it is that I want. I just know what feeling I want.
If I took out a Wanted ad for this book I’m looking for it would look something like this:
The book I’m looking for would be so profound and so earth shattering I’m pretty sure the axis of the earth might shift.
The take action kind of book.
The I-will-never-be-the-same kind of book. A book that changes the landscape of my heart and my brain and my soul.
I want a book that makes me feel ALL THE THINGS and I mean ALL THE THINGS.
I want a perfect book and not even a technically perfect book but the book that feels so perfect you don’t even know if it’s real.
I want the best book and not the kind of best book that has to be recognized as the best book by the world.
I want a book that will make me consider not reading any more books because nothing will ever compare to it but it also makes me want to read ALL the books to find THAT kind of book again…because I NEED the fix of experiencing it.
I want the kind of book that I know was meant to find me. That I don’t know how I’ve ever lived without.
The book that lingers and lingers and is impossible to push from my mind no matter how many books I read in between.
I want a book that doesn’t even know it’s that kind of book.
I want a book that feels like it was written for me. Like an author scooped out the pumpkin-y insides of my brain and my heart and my soul and all the icky and beautiful and confusing things about me and made magic with it.
I want a book that is hard to explain why it makes me feels all those ways because words seem flimsy and dull when describing it and all you wish is that you could start a new language wherein you just FEEL things that people mean.
A book I almost don’t want to talk about. Because once I try to put it into words the magic is almost lost in some way by doing so.
I sound nutty probably. I don’t even know if what I want exists. Or if I’m just building it up too much. Romanticizing it. I know I’ve felt it before. I know I have. But, hey book, if you are out there….make your way to me! I don’t want every book I read to be like this for me because that would be a whole lot of hearts bursting and souls changing and a whole lot of feelings I can’t deal with on a daily basis. But I just know that I need THAT kind of book right now. I really do.
Am I completely batshit crazy or do you have moods like this where you need a very specific book like that or that you don’t even know what you want but you know what you want to feel? Do YOU have a book that has made you feel this way? Am I building up that SEEKING PERFECT BOOK notion so it’s almost unattainable?!