Beyond the Pages: That Thing I Regret Not Having

Beyond the Pages is my way of sharing the things books make me think about and interact with and want to talk about shared experiences with people. Some of my best conversations have happened because of something that came up in a book. I’m pretty personal in my reviews but I’d like a way to not bog down my review with a huge paragraph of personal experience so this is my way to be able to share it. Some times it will be serious and sometimes just random and fun but I hope we can connect! PAST Beyond the Pages here!

 

 

The book that inspired this conversation:

The Start of Me and You Emery Lord

The Start Of Me & You by Emery Lord
(Goodreads // Amazon)

What It Is About:

“It’s been a year since it happened—when Paige Hancock’s first boyfriend died in an accident. After shutting out the world for two years, Paige is finally ready for a second chance at high school . . . and she has a plan. First: Get her old crush, Ryan Chase, to date her—the perfect way to convince everyone she’s back to normal. Next: Join a club—simple, it’s high school after all. But when Ryan’s sweet, nerdy cousin, Max, moves to town and recruits Paige for the Quiz Bowl team (of all things!) her perfect plan is thrown for a serious loop. Will Paige be able to face her fears and finally open herself up to the life she was meant to live?”

 

What I said about itScreenshot at Mar 17 21-33-26

What It Got Me Thinking About:

girl friends, friend groups, my life choices

Image1fdsfOne of the best things about The Start of Me and You is the girl power. The main character has a close-knit group of 4 girls and I LOVED what a healthy, important friendship they all had. They were there for each other in big and small ways, knew each other like they knew themselves, worked through issues, had TONS of fun together, etc. But as I was reading I grew JEALOUS. And a bit wistful as I thought about my past. WHY? (Besides the fact Emery Lord just has a knack for writing enviable friendships).

Because I never had that.

Sure, in elementary school and maybe even early middle school I had lots of girl friends and we had sleepovers and such but I never had a close-knit group of girl friends like portrayed in this book that stood the test of time. When high school came I found myself making closer friendships with guys and caring more about those. I was almost PROUD to be the chick with all the guy friends? Proud that I was “above” all the petty girl stuff? And college was the same way. I gained MORE girl friends but mostly that was due to dorm living. I had my best friend and a handful of other girls that hung out in our general group but more often than not it was me + like 10 other guys. I didn’t foster close relationships with other ladies because I saw them as petty, too fickle, etc. I wrote them off easily because it was easier to “be one of the guys” even though I totally was a girly girl and there was a lot of NON-platonic feelings always happening (but THAT’s a separate topic for another day). It’s sad because, when I reflect on college especially, I had some really great girls in my life who were there for me and I had so much fun with but for whatever reason I liked my place among the dudes and that attention more than I cared to truly form a closer bond with the girls.

I think if there’s one thing I actually regret in life it’s not taking the time to see the value in having girlfriends and taking care of those relationships.

Now, here I am as an adult, and I wish had a close-knit group of ladies. I’ve seen how empowering female friendships can be over the years and have met some ladies here in this community who have taught me that through these past 5 years. They have been there for me and have shown me how valuable these relationships are in my life. I read YA and I see friendships like this and I’m just JEALOUS and full of regret. WHY, PAST JAMIE, DID YOU NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR LADY FRIENDS?

I mean, let’s be real, friendship isn’t always easy. I think maybe I didn’t like the hard work it DID take sometimes. It was easier to dismiss pettiness and drama and flock to the dudes who seemed to not have that. But what I didn’t get from MOST of those guys? That intimate sort of sisterhood you have among girlfriends. DEEP relationships where things of substance were talked about and the highs/lows of life were shared, shoulders to cry on, endless hours dissect life’s craziness, etc. I LOVED the easy nature of all that that I DID have amongst the girl friends I did have. I just don’t know why I didn’t see more value in that before.

But, here we are. I cannot go back. It might be harder to make friends now as a married lady but I’m working on it. I see the value. I crave those friendships. Maybe in my future I will find a kickass group of ladies to hang out with. Maybe not (I have major fears that people at my age are already set with their friend groups/friends). Who knows! But I know that my girl friends, the ones I have and the ones I will meet, are going to be more important than I ever made them back in high school and college. I might regret not making more of an effort but I am certainly not going to let myself regret it again 10 years from now.

 

 

Thoughts on anything I wrote? Did you/do you have a close knit of girl friends that you hang out with? Or were you “one of the guys” like I was? If you have/had close girlfriends please tell me about them so I can live vicariously!! 🙂

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About Jamie

Jamie is a 30 year old married lady who is in denial that she’s actually that old. When she’s not reading you can find her doing Pilates followed by eating ice cream, listening to music with oversized headphones and having adventures with her husband and dog.

Comments

  1. Now this is something I can relate to!

    I am terrible at maintaining friendships. I’ve moved so many times that after some time passes one forgets to respond to letters, and then, well then, you find that the few girls you befriended have drifted away.
    While I’ve (sadly) never managed to remain in contact (which I do regret) with the few girls I once called my best friends, I do kind of have that best-friend like bond thing with my sisters.

    I may have rambled somewhat in my comment, but it’s late and I should really be sleeping.

    • It’s SO hard to keep in contact when life pulls you in different directions…especially geographically! 🙁 I feel ya!

  2. I didn’t really have a group of girlfriends in high school until second semester junior year, and it kind of fizzled senior year, but when it was good it was like a whole different kind of good from anything I’d known. For me, for whatever reason, even if the friends last, the group dynamic never does, and I get the same kind of sting from reading these books. I read both OPEN ROAD SUMMER and SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONE when I was in a horrible place from having broken up with two friends of mine (completely independently) and I totally got that feeling that was a combination of envy and a punch in the gut. I wanted to cry with happiness when I read OVER YOU by Amy Reed, because it’s about a girl reclaiming herself independent of her best friend when the two finally get some distance, and acknowledging that you can be a better person without that toxicity, and it was so, so exactly what I needed to read at that point in my life. I recently did a post for B&N on YAs about BFFs and this is exactly why I did a whole mix – the three books I’ve already mentioned, LOVE AND OTHER THEORIES, 17 FIRST KISSES…because best friendship is complicated, and not easily attainable for everyone, and sometimes you need to feel like it’s not just you who doesn’t have an other half in the friend department.

    • YESSS I had just had a friend group breakup before I read both of those and was still feeling the sting of that.

      Definitely need to check out Over You! I think I’m “over it” losing those friends because it’s been a while but I had been friends with the group (esp the bff I lost) since high school and then some had come into the group in college. The group became toxic and I was not happy anymore…sad to lose some of those people (esp my best friend) but I think I’m better off. I tried to salvage the bff relationship but it seemed without the group…it wasn’t happening. Plus anything I told her she would tell her husband and somehow people in the group would find out stuff sooo hanging out with her became less appealing to me. SIGH. It’s so sad. But I feel better overall minus missing having a group.

      Def need to check out your post also!!

  3. My core group of friends are girls I met in college, so it’s been just over 10 years since I met them and those are for sure my longest lasting friendships. High school friendship just didn’t last. We’ve all definitely taken different paths and it’s been hard work at times but I’m glad to have a handful of people who knew me 10 years ago. But, it for sure isn’t free of all that “girl drama”, haha, that’s just life, and growing pains for the whole group when one person dates a crappy guy, or her husband doesn’t get along with your husband, or has babies first, etc etc.

    I don’t know, I’m married and have a close-knit group of friends but I still get SERIOUSLY excited about making new friends! So don’t count yourself out just because other people have longer friendships. You’re not too old and it’s not too late. I’ve been your friend-in-the-comments for going on around a year now and hopefully for many more. 🙂

    • Aww love that you have a group! <3 And yessss growing pains are always a part of any group. I never had a girl group but the group I did have was mostly all guys except my bff and I (maybe another girl or two because they were siblings of the guys) and then in college, the core of us, added some college guy friends to the group especially because they stayed here in the Philly area, and then suddenly girl friends were added to the group and it became a lot of couples. I'm not part of the group anymore but they are all starting to have babies so I'm sure the dynamic is shifting more.

      And thanks for the encouragement!! I love being your internet friend, lady! xoxo

  4. You are not alone with this! I’ve got two girlfriends that I’ve stayed close to, but they both live so far away and I’d love a group of ladies to hang out with, but it’s much harder to make new friends outside of school/college! Why are there not like dating sites but for friends? Someone should fix that!

    • It’s SO HARD. And omg I keep saying this to my husband! WHY HAS NOBODY INVENTED THIS?!?! Maybe we need to!! haha. If online dating works, then online friendshipping should toooo!

  5. jealousofbelle says:

    I ALWAYS wanted to be the girl with all guy friends (it shames my feminist heart to say it, but I hated the idea of being a “typical” girl). Now, at 28, I have a more even mix – I’ve got maybe ten close friends, and it’s almost literally five / five.

    To this day, though, my best / oldest friend is the boy I met & “married” in kindergarten. We lived together for two years; he’s in my wedding next year. I feel our relationship is just as deep, meaningful & supportive as any I’ve had with my girlfriends

    • I so know what you mean! Back then, I was like proud that I “wasn’t like all the other girls” and it would make me so happy when the guys would acknowledge that like “oh no..she’s cool.”

      I totally DID have some deep/meaningful/supportive guy friendships.. Even better than some of my girl friend relationships. But they were like individual hang outs. When I hung out with the group that never happened. I think my wording sucked and made it seemed like they were ALL superficial. They weren’t all but the majority were. Also, I realize sometimes they got “deeper” because really there were some not so platonic feelings going on haha. I SERIOUSLY COULD RIGHT A WHOLE OTHER POST ON BEING FRIENDS WITH BOYS.

      And that’s really cute that your bff is the boy you married in kindergarten. I LOVE IT.

  6. Awe, I feel the same way about friendships. Like yourself, I have always been the type of girl to hang out with the guys. I only had about two very close girlfriends in college, but we all went our separate ways after graduation. I do my best with writing them letters and emails to keep in contact, but it does seem like our paths in life won’t cross again. So like yourself I have always wonder what it would have been like to have that tight girl group. However, I really am not a truly girly-girl and I have always struggled with finding a common ground with most other females, hence why I have such close guy friends.

    I do understand how you feel though. I’m hoping that by joining this book community I will find more wonderful females who share my love of reading. No matter where you are in your life there is always a way to meet new people and hopefully find a new close friend. Thanks for bringing up this topic, I may have to read this book to get my dose of girl power. <3

  7. This was really interesting! I have two girlfriends who I met in 3rd grade – so going on 20+ years of friendship – and we still hang out a couple times per month. We went to different colleges, and each have other groups of friends as well that have nothing to do with each other, but we all sorta know them peripherally. We’re all also in a book club together with other people as well. It’s almost like we’re more family to each other, and argue, etc just like that. It’s funny, because if we’re out and about with other people and are getting in an argument, we’ll shhhh each other and refer to other people like “behave, we have company!”

    I’ve also made some great friends as an adult, and am ALWAYS looking to meet new people and establish new relationships, so I wouldn’t write off having a close knit group of friends just because you didn’t meet the right people at a younger age. I know loads of people who don’t even talk to any of the people they be-friended in high school or college, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just happened to be lucky with my gals. Thanks for posting this!

    https://bookishtendencieskatie.wordpress.com/

  8. Oh gosh, Jamie, I totally feel you on this!!

    My problem is actually bigger than this. I didn’t really have many friends PERIOD. Genders aside, I just didn’t have that at all.

    Middle school was my time if you know what I mean. That’s when I had a fantastic group of friends, full of guys and girls. I loved that SO MUCH. I still miss what I had back then.

    But then I went to high school and NONE of those people came with me. They all went to a different high school. So suddenly I was alone. I didn’t make any new friends in high school.. NONE AT ALL! I just couldn’t find anyone I clicked with, you know? So we just never hit it off.

    Then college was the same. There was only one girl I found who I clicked with, but we were only friends for a few months over summer school (that’s where we met). After that term she ended up dropping out. So there went the one friend I had.

    And now I’m out of school and still have no friends, largely because I work from home (thus never go out and meet people) and I’m a huge introvert. I just suck at this whole friendship thing! And it makes me sad because I loved what I had in middle school SO MUCH. I want that back but I don’t know how to get it again.

  9. Nikki Robinson says:

    THIS. I feel the exact same way. Like, I don’t even need to say anything else because you’ve already said all of it.

  10. This was such a great post, Jamie! I never had a big group of girl friends but I did have a small one in elementary/high school but had a really awful falling out with them in university. It was really hard to bounce back from that, but I think I have now. I’ve always had trouble with friendships and even now when I have two very close friends and a solid group of girlfriends, I struggle with the doubt that this will last or that I consider them more of a friend than they do of me. But I’m working on it.

    Friendships are hard, man! But I’m so happy you wrote about your experiences! I know I can really relate 🙂

  11. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends. I just don’t have true, real, close knit friends, but I really wish I did. I’m a high school senior, though, so hopefulky I will make some true and lasting friends then! A girl can hope, right?

  12. I have close friends. 3 of my friends I have been friends with since I was 5 and another I met Freshman year of high school. It’s great to have friends that know you well but it is also really really hard sometimes. It’s hard when you have new friends and when you want to do things they aren’t interested it. It is also hard when you know someone for a long time and you grow apart.

    We had this one friend from Kindergarten that was dating a guy that was awful. He said rude comments to her friends is just one of the things. He wasn’t a good guy. When she got engaged to him and we told her what we thought she dropped us all for him. Her and I went to school together from Kindergarten to college. We graduated every school together. Knew everything about each other. But she didn’t trust our judgement and we haven’t spoken in about 8 years. She is now divorced from the guy with no friends.

    It is both a blessing and a curse to have a close group of girl friends. But more a blessing. 🙂

    Great post girl!

  13. I love this. I was definitely one of the guys throughout high school. My group of friends included 10 guys and 2 girls (including me). We had a lot of fun and enjoyed that big group, but we didn’t often talk about the serious stuff. I had a lot of other girlfriends who were my friends from separate areas of life, but I really missed out on having a close-knit GROUP of girls like in this book. This changed in college, though, as most of our housing was in suites. I had the same group of five girls who all lived together and got really close throughout school. They’re still my best friends, but it’s so hard to see each other since we all live spread out now that we graduated a few years ago. Lately I don’t feel like I really have any group, as my high school friends are all spread out too and I live with my boyfriend. We tend to be hermits sometimes. I do miss having all my friends (male or female) around me consistently, but I was definitely one of those people who didn’t like other girls and placed myself right in the middle of the boys. I can totally relate! I too am hoping to find a group of ladies to be friends with nowadays, but I get nervous about how to meet people and that everyone is already in a group. Too bad I live in CT or else we could start our own group! 😉

  14. Thank you so much for this article. I read you (and all of the comments!) and I don’t feel alone. Since high school, I have kept a little group of (girl) friends, but in the last 2 years, I feel that we don’t click anymore. I have been drifting from them (and I feel that they are squeezing me out). But I am afraid to let them go, since they are my only friends. I am 24 (almost 25) years old, and I feel like everyone have already a solid group of friends. I read people like you, and I’m like « why couldn’t I have met them in real life?! » There should be a dating site for friends, I would certainly try it!

  15. I’ve had close knit friends throughout my life, but that group has shifted during different phases of my life. I do have friendships that remain strong after decades, but for the day-to-day ins and outs, I tend to rely on the friends that are close in proximity (but that does not diminish how valuable some of my out-of-town friends are). Most of my day-to-day close friends I’ve met through work. We share so many common experiences, and sometimes it helps to not have to give a bunch of background info when relaying a story to someone else. I’ve been truly lucky with my work friendships, because I realize that not all work environments are as tight as mine. Friendships can be found in so many places, and I don’t doubt there are some perfect people waiting out there to meet you!

  16. Jamie, this is really poignant and something that I’ve recently been discovering about myself as well. I have always gotten along better with guys, and with a boyfriend now it tow, I don’t have as many girlfriends as I would like. I honestly find it hard to balance time between the boy, work, and schoolwork, let alone more friends. It’s something I’m working on as well, but struggling with massively. So wishing you all the best with yours xxx

  17. I always had a close knit group of girl friends in middle school, high school and college but shortly after graduating I realized that many of those friendships formed out of convenience and continued for as long as they had out of habit. After college I met some new girl friends over Twitter who have the same interests as me and who prefer to be social in the same ways as I do. They are my closest friends and even though I met them later in life I couldn’t imagine being without them and they know me better than anyone had in my past (maybe because I was still finding myself in my younger years). Just because you might not have known someone for a huge amount of time doesn’t mean that a new relationship can’t blossom into one of the most meaningful friendships. I’m so happy for you that you’re putting more effort into making new friends and forming those relationships because there’s nothing better than empowering female friendships!

  18. Oh Jamie. I feel you. I was also the girl with the guy friends. My best friend in high school was a guy, and I had friends who were girls, but not deep unbelievable friendships. I had that later on in college, but (sad but true) it’s really hard to maintain those friendships now because of distance or marriage or babies or just life. I’m grateful that I still have one best friend, but I don’t have the kind of friendship with her where I text her every day. We do still see each other about once every two weeks, but it’s SO HARD now with kids and not being in quite the same area of town. I feel a little at a loss to know how to fix it, or whether it should even be fixed, you know? Maybe that’s just how friendship evolves…I don’t know, I guess I need to think about this some more.

    I clearly need to read this book. =) Thank you for making me think about this a little more.

  19. Oh I get this. While I don’t have a strong core group of friends from high school or really even college, I’ve worked really hard at the friendships that I have now. And I’m fiercely protective of them. I’ve also gotten better at getting rid of friendships that aren’t helping me in life, but holding me back from being the better me.

  20. I thought about this a lot after reading This Song Will Save Your Life last year (proof: https://missprint.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/). And I’ve started to wonder if a lot of these friendships that extend beyond high school have as much to do with proximity (being in a small town) as anything else. I had a really close group of friends in high school–at least I thought I did until we all went to different colleges and they had all dropped me and stopped keeping in touch within the first year (while still remaining close to each other). Honestly, it still hurts a lot if I let it.

    I can be outgoing but I’m really happiest in one-on-one or small group scenarios so I rarely have friends who are also friends with each other (because I just see one person at a time). And I have learned again and again that work friends are the most precarious kinds of friends. It wasn’t really until college and grad school that I met people who I could say “yes, these women are going to be my friends for years.” And even then there aren’t many of them.

    After that I’ve started to think about friendships as more fluid and as a blogger I’ve also learned that some of your closest friends can be the ones you may never meet in person.

  21. I think I’m kind of the opposite, really. In elementary school I loved hanging out with the guys. Girls were so annoying and tedious back then that I just didn’t are. When they invited me to sit with them, I was hesitant, but I realized that maybe I misjudged them (yeah, I realized that at like, age eight). In middle school I reconnected with my best friend from kindergarten, and today she’s still be best friend and closest confidant (she was my maid-of-honor and I was her matron-of-honor at each other’s weddings). But throughout middle and high school, I mostly hung out with girls. We had much more dynamic and complex relationships than I ever had with guys, and I enjoyed that. I really did.
    Once college came around, though, I was a lot more standoffish. Of course all of my friends were going different places, but I still managed to hold on to one before we ultimately didn’t talk anymore. College was a lonely time for me, but I was fine with it. I did develop friendships with both guys and girls (mostly girls) in my later college years, and I know some of them will last, but others will fade over time. I mean, Facebook and social media can only do so much whereas physical interaction can do so much more. So I get it, been there, done that. Do I regret it? Not really, not until my early college years, but I’m okay with it right now.

  22. I was definitely “one of the guys.” I have really mixed feelings about it. I got burned by a lot of my female friends in school. I really do feel like I was friends with some of the most dramatic girls ever and things got crazy. So in high school I drifted away from that group and kind of avoided making as many female friends. Kinda kept that going through college too. I seriously have had way too many female friends that hurt me, bad. And I think I have let that get in the way of things. So I hung out with the guys, which is ok I guess but I think feeling weren’t mutual and things got kind of weird without me even noticing. Definitely some things I regret, and not having any female friends is hard. I have a few, but I have known them for so long and now they live so far away from me. I have no clue how to make any here. No clue at all. I kind of envy those with awesome friendships, a lot. It’s no that I don’t love my friends now, but I regret not trying to make some happen and not trying harder ta others because I was scared of just how hurt I had been. Seriously, females have broken my heart more than any guy I have ever liked. It’s ridiculous. I totally get where you are coming from! And if you find the secret to make friends please share 🙂

  23. I think that I was pretty much split evenly between my guy friends and my girl friends in high school. The only downside for me in all of this was that the girl group I hung out with didn’t really like any of the guys I hung out with, so it always felt like I was on a tight balance between handling both groups and maintaining as little crossover as possible. It also felt like most of my girl group had other sub-groups as well, like my group of guy friends. Ultimately, I considered it a miracle that my group of six had even formed. Great post and discussion topic. I can’t wait to pick this book up.

  24. It’s been me and my two BFFs for 13 long years! And the best part is, we only went to school together for like three months, so we really have staying power! I can’t imagine not having them in my life. I had more girl friends in high school, but after graduation we just kind of went separate ways, but not my two BFFs! I do totally get what you meant about petty girl stuff, which is why I think I didn’t keep in touch with some of the other girls I was friend with. They totally played into that kind of thing, where as I just don’t. But there are other girls out there! I wish you had been able to find them, or recognize them back then. But it is hard.

  25. Oh wow. This post couldn’t ring truer for me right now! I’ve recently moved from Canada to Amsterdam and although the trip has been super exciting, it’s also been a HUGE eye-opener for me in terms of how solid (or not solid) some of my female relationships are back home. Distance does not always make the heart grow fonder!

    Unlike you, I wasn’t “one of the guys” in high school, but I also didn’t have a lot of friends either. I was super SUPER shy, and had a terrible time making friends! I really only hung out with about 5 girls regularly. Even then, I only felt truly comfortable and like myself with 3 of them. We met back in elementary school so it’s crazy now to think that we’ve known each other for almost 20 years! Even so, after high school we mostly parted ways and now only keep touch through irregular emails and Facebook. Sad but true. I have a couple girl friends from my college years whom I keep in pretty regular touch with since moving over here, but yeah I feel like you when you say you’re scared that you’re too old to make new friends!!! I feel like this all the time!!! I too crave that intimate female comradery!!!

    I hope for the best for you! You’re a great person (from what I can tell over blogging) so all is not lost for you yet 😉

  26. I know we discussed this before, but I still wanted to leave you a comment! I grew up the complete opposite way, surrounded by girls and women for most of my life. It wasn’t so much that I had to choose between girl or guy friends, because there really was no choice. And let me tell you, girl friendships are no walk in the park! There’s a lot of complicated drama that occurs, and I don’t deny that. But the way I bonded with the girl friends I have, who are like sisters to me, is something special, and I’m so grateful for them every single day. Now, that being said, it might be discouraging to not have had that experience BUT I truly believe that you’ll find your group of girl friends! I personally believe that there are people out there who are meant to be in your life, and they’ll come when they’re meant to 🙂

  27. Even though I have this one, I’ve been avoiding reading ANYTHING about it because I’m afraid of having too high expectations, but your short description and discussion makes me think my high expectations are totally okay.

    In terms of friendships, I’ve had a lot of really close and not so close girl friends. I’m not close to anyone in my family, plus I’m an only child, so I kind of had to make close friendships with girls just to learn how to navigate life + growing up. This year is actually the first time I’ve had an actual group of friends (rather than just a bunch of singular girl friends). It’s been an…experience, to say the least. There’s definitely more drama because we all hang out in a group and with each other one on one, so sometimes things that were said in private are relayed to the others in the group. It’s neat, though. We have a lot more adventures because of the different personalities of all of us.
    Alsoooooo hi Jamie I missed you 🙂

  28. I never had a group of girlfriends growing up like this, but I so badly wish I’d had! It always makes me so incredibly jealous and mad when I read books with friendships like this, because it just makes me sad that I never had that. I’ve always wanted one like this! I had “surface” friends in high school, besides a couple really good ones (one of whom is still my best friend and basically the only person I talk to from that time). And I thought I had found that all-consuming friendship like this as a freshman in college, but we all pretty much separated after one year. It just makes me sad looking back on all of that, because I miss it! I miss having a tightknit group of girlfriends, and I really, really hope someday I’ll find them. It might take years, but I want to believe that I just haven’t found the right people yet. 🙂

    Lovely post, Jamie! It’s really nice when you read a book that you makes you take a step back and look at your life in a different way or make you think about something you’ve long since forgotten.

  29. Lovely post, truly.
    I never had a close-knit group of friends, I was pretty much alone during my middle grade and high school years. I guess I was too shy or maybe I just felt like I didn’t fit in, which is okay I guess because yes, I could have done more, but in the end it was not entirely my fault I didn’t meet the right people for me.
    Now I’m at college and this year things may have gotten a little bit better, so I’ll just keep trying my hardest to change my situation and have a close group of friends. Hopefully one day I’ll have someone I can completely count on! 🙂

  30. I drifted away from my group of girlfriends after high school which I was ok with because when I went to university I had the most amazing group of girlfriends who I totally love. But then university ended and we all went off in our different directions. We still chat a lot, and try to meet up as much as possible, but it sucks that they are not always there. I haven’t read The Start of Me and You yet, but I do find myself reading books about groups of friends and thinking ‘I wish I had that’, so I totally get where you are coming from!

  31. Okay so I meant to comment on this forever ago and kept forgetting. But I had to because I just have so many thoughts about this topic! So, in middle school/high school I had a GREAT group of girl friends and we were all really close and I LOVED it. I loved having someone to tell everything to, to have weird inside jokes with, to have the sort of best friend relationship like in ORS (I haven’t read start of me and you yet but SOON bc omg i adored ORS). Then after we graduated, we all kind of went different places. Now, I’m really good at reaching out and staying in touch with people — but the other person HAS to make an effort, you know? I drifted from quite a few girls in that group but my best friend and I? still besties. it helped that we were both in the same area I guess. and then after college, I went to dental school out of state. I would set up times with her to talk on the phone, etc but she KEPT flaking out on me, mostly bc of the new guy she was dating. I was pretty hurt because dental school is no walk in the park. I literally would be AT school 8-5, sometimes later if we had lab work, etc. But I stuck to our talking times and one time in particular that I remember vividly, I called and really wanted to talk and then that guy called and she put me on hold to chat with him, then came back and said hey, can i call you back? so i said okay. And she didn’t. and then it was just a series of failed attempts and THEN it would be that guy was always there. And i was like okay this is great but I want to talk to YOU, just us, for just like 10 minutes! Two years in, I sort of gave up and didn’t try as hard to try and keep setting up times to talk. I was just sad and frustrated that she didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. Anyway. Fast forward a few years. I’m now out of school (moved back) and working and I don’t feel like I have any girl friends at all. I really don’t. And like you said, they’re so important! All of my girl friends from that group are in the area but we haven’t really talked in years. And now I work and come home and hanging out with my husband is great, obviously but sometimes I crave those girl friend relationships. I miss the hell out of telling someone how my day was, doing silly things with, or having chick flick marathons with while eating junk food. It’s a space that a significant other or husband can’t really fill. And where do I go to find these friends?! I’m working, it’s not like I have an outlet of meeting people you know what I mean? So it just makes me sad. Also – in dental school all my friends were guys. Exactly like you said — they’re so much easier to make friends with! there’s no drama. they’re easy going. But I kind of regret not hanging out with my roommate and other girls more. 🙁 all this to say… I GET YOU! I understand what you mean. And I need to read the start of me and you desperately. 🙂

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