If We Were Having Coffee

I saw a life coach I love, Ashley, do a post entitled If We Were Having Coffee and I decided to take her lead and do one myself in November 2013 because I loved it and sometimes I feel like we forget that there is a whole life behind the people that write and read blogs. I got such a great response to my initial post so I made it aĀ  reoccurring thing for the past couple of years and do it when I feel so inclined!

 

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So, grab your coffee/beverage of your choice and meet me for a chat. I’ve got some amaaaazing Harvest tea from Trader Joe’s that has hints of apple and cinnamon and ginger and all sorts of other goodness. And I have a soy pumpkin candle burning so THE MOOD IS RIGHT, Y’ALL!

 

If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’m currently reading A Step Toward Falling by Cammie McGovern.Ā  I’d ask you what you are currently reading!

If we were having coffee.… I’d tell you how much this past month having our rescue dog, Finn, has changed me. He’s such a silly, loving and sweet pup who is so good though it hasn’t been without its trials (he and my dad’s dog hating each other, teaching him to walk properly on a leash, training, etc.) but I’m enjoying it all. He’s gotten us out even more (for walks, to hike, to the dog park) and we’ve met so many different people. The other thing is how much he has opened up my heart to the rescuing process. My heart breaks for all these lost and abandoned animals. Will and I have started volunteering in different ways with different shelters (including the high kill shelter Finn was originally at before DogTown rescued him) and the rescue we got Finn at who does SUCH good work and is full of awesome people. I’d ask you if you have a pet/ever rescued an animal but I’d also ask you if you’ve discovered something new you are passionate about that you hadn’t even realized.

Me & Finn!

IMG_8759(1)hMe & the little pit puppy we gave a freedom ride to (aka a ride from the high kill shelter to a rescue/adoption center). SHE WAS SO SWEET. PUPPY KISSES.

 

If we were having coffee.… I’d tell you how I recently did something very out of my comfort zone and I had such a good time and I think it could lead to good things. It’s scary but also so invigorating to go outside of your comfort zone. I asked myself, “what’s the worst that could happen if I did this?” and honestly the WORST thing was no biggie honestly. It’s definitely one of those moments where I’m like YAS SELF TAKE MORE RISKS, BE MORE FEARLESS, KICK THAT COMFORT ZONE ASIDE. I’d ask you what’s the last thing you did that was out of your comfort zone and you felt great about it!

If we were having coffee…. Id share with you this life-changing (for me), new thought process I’ve discovered when it comes to decisions. I REALLY struggle to make decisions. To start this project or not? To go out and do this thing or not? To try this thing or not? To quit something or not? I was listening to the Happier podcast that Gretchen Rubin and her sister do (you can see what podcasts I listen to here with a few sentences about each) and they were talking about this very thing. Their suggestion that they (or maybe just Gretchen uses)? The idea of “choosing the bigger life.” And as soon as she said it I was like YES. It’s so simple. I get so caught up in the decision and this simplifies it some. Whatever decision I’m facing, I’m like what gives me the bigger life? And the thing is that answer will be different for everyone and I think even for me in certain situations. Sometimes choosing the bigger life WILL be quitting something and sometimes it would be not quitting it. Going out and having a good time can be the bigger life just as much as staying in and practicing self-care instead of going out on a different day. So, I’m facing decisions with this idea — choosing the bigger life — the path that propels me forward in the way I want, the decision that makes my life more rich and fulfilling and bigger and better. Highly rec at least listening to that episode when she explains it! I’d ask you how YOU approach decisions that you have a hard time with!

 

If we were having coffee…. I’d tell you that for the first time a blogger I follow (not in the book sphere) recently passed away and it’s a really weird thing to experience. I don’t know this blogger personally at all. I was just always inspired by their posts and enjoyed reading the blog and I felt such a strange sense of loss. It’s a weird thing to experience not knowing someone but feeling that absence that wasn’t even a physical one in your life. It also reminds me how paranoid I get when bloggers I follow drop off the internet because I’m like ARE YOU ALIVE PLEASE JUST LET US KNOW THANKS.

If we were having coffee… I’d tell you about how I realized something about myself lately that I really want, no NEED, to work on: I SELF SABOTAGE MYSELF. All the time. I don’t know when this became a thing for me but it has. I self sabotaged myself about a job opportunity recently. With friendships recently because I’ve decided to “save myself the hurt that I know will come.” I don’t remember being like that!!! It’s so frustrating when I’ve realized I’ve done this lately. I’d ask you something that you are trying to work on personally and how it’s going! Also, I’d ask you if you struggle with self sabotage!

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If we were having coffee….I’d tell you how it’s weird being 30 now. Okay, I’ve only been 30 for like a week but still. It feels weird and disappointing and different than YA me would have ever thought. I thought 30 would make me feel like a real adult. And I don’t. I still feel like I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I think maybe it’s this thing where all these years you build up the idea of BEING AN ADULT and ~adulthood~ is nowhere near what you thought it would be like/feel like. I think there is also all those hopes and dreams you had for yourself. I just pictured my life so differently at 30 and it’s hard not to be disappointed that I feel like a failure. But with that, 30 has been pretty great and I’m finding myself not really caring about a lot of stuff all that much? Just going with the flow but also realizing how fast time goes so looking at every moment of my day as though it were precious. Maybe that’s the secret about adulthood and turning 30 — that it really is just a number and nobody really feels all that prepared. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, I suppose. We all had ideas of what it would be like that I’m sure didn’t happen. And like no ~adult~ switch turns on at a certain age. JUST MAKING IT UP AS WE GO. At least that’s what I’m telling myself to make myself feel better. GOING WITH IT. And coming to terms with the fact that it’s not what I thought it would be and I’m not where I thought I would be.

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If we were having coffee….I’d you that I still haven’t been reading that much lately. September was like 2 books and this month maybe 4 so far? I don’t have any desire to read that much..just here and there. Which is okay with me and why I didn’t set a Goodreads goal. I’m just going with what I feel like. In other reading news, I WAS in the middle of a book and then my Kindle died for good. BUUUUT it was 3 days before my birthday so Will swooped in with a new Kindle Paperwhite for my bday present. I’d ask how your reading life has been lately! Are you reaching your Goodreads goals? Reading all the books you’ve been wanting to?

If we were having coffee…I’d tell you how absolutely STOKED I am about the Gilmore Girls reboot!!!! Back in 2004 my college roomie/bff and I started our tradition of watching all the seasons together until we caught up to the current season (and then rewatch them) and it just was such a great bonding time. We’d be hermits and just lay in bed watching it from one of our laptops and snack and sing along to the theme song. Those are just some of my best memories from college just that time together and, though we aren’t as close as we used to be, it was really fun to text and be excited about it and make plans to watch it together. SERIOUSLY I HAVE ALL THE FEELS RIGHT NOW. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE SOME OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE CHARACTERS AGAIN!! WHAT A WORLD WE LIVE IN THAT MY FAVORITE SHOW CAN GET SOME MAYBE BETTER CLOSURE FOR ME. I’d ask you if you were into Gilmore Girls and if you weren’t I’d drag you to a nearby couch and start marathoning with you!

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If we were having coffee…what would you tell me? Come on…lay it all out! It’s just you, me, the pleasant sounds of a cafe…and maybe some other eyes in the comment section but NBD right?? Our we can have coffee in my inbox if you don’t feel comfortable. I really want to know! What’s going on with you?

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About Jamie

Jamie is a 30 year old married lady who is in denial that she’s actually that old. When she’s not reading you can find her doing Pilates followed by eating ice cream, listening to music with oversized headphones and having adventures with her husband and dog.

Comments

  1. It’s so late, but I just read this and have all the thoughts:
    1) So happy about you guys and Finn and rescue dogs – that you’re doing something about it. My cats are rescue cats and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to adopt more cats so I totally understand
    2) Doing something out of your comfort zone: YES. So proud of you, Jamie – I feel like I’ve been in a rut lately and I need to do this. Which is really tied to the whole idea of living the bigger life, which I LOVE and I think I need to start doing this too – thanks for introducing me to that podcast!
    3) Blogger passing away – this happened to me about 5 years ago when I was a fashion blogger. One of my local faves passed away from lymphoma, and her boyfriend left a final message on her blog, and I was just devastated. Like, I never met her or anything, but I loved her work and had followed her for ages. I remember another fashion blogger telling me that if bloggers decide to just stop, it’s okay, it’s their right and they don’t owe anyone anything. Which is true, but at the same time…I was so grateful that this blogger’s blog was left up and they told us all what happened. It just…really made me think about my mortality, because she was only 25 and she was so talented and it just…sucked.
    4) Self-sabotage – I feel like maybe the decision thing is helping with this? I hope so.
    5) I know I told you 30 is awesome, but I think you’re right that it’s just a number. It shouldn’t feel different because it’s just you and your life, you know? Who cares about the number? I feel like you’re approaching it right.
    5) OMG GILMORE GIRLS. I have so many thoughts and guesses as to what happened, mostly with Rory because I think we all identified with her because she was a book girl and our age. As a romance reader, I just want to know…WHO DOES RORY END UP WITH? I was one of those weird people who really liked Logan, but I think Jess is the only person who makes sense now. Also, LORELAI MUST HAVE MARRIED LUKE BY NOW. GAH. I AM SO EXCITED.

  2. First off! I love these posts, they are fun, and I always have fun responding to them šŸ™‚

    I am currently reading The Knife of Never Letting Go. Its my first Patrick Ness book and totally different than what I typically read but I am enjoying it!

    I have never personally rescued a pet but know lots of people who have. I also plan of doing so myself once I have the space. And yes I have discovered a passion lately and it feels kind of complicated but I am going to try. Through work and school currently I have become very passionate about human rights, and specifically fighting for the rights of people who cannot speak up for themselves. I am currently working in a care home for people with Intellectual Disabilities and its hard watching people in their situation get walked over. Combine this with my education in Social Work and I am starting to be a huge advocate for maintaining basic human rights for everyone. Its sad that this is something we still have to fight for

    I tend to live in my comfort zone. So major props to you for stepping out of yours. HOWEVER! In June (so long ago I know, but I am still super proud) I preformed in an Aerial Showcase (this Silks or Hoop Cirque de Solei style) and as really proud of the performance I put together. I hadnt been on stage in almost six years so it was terrify but I loved every minute of it. I have pictures and a video Ill show anyone who shows any interest still almost 4 months later

    Ill be honest, even at 22 I still call my mum before I make most decisions. And then my dad. and then my older sister. and then I typically still go with my gut. Or ill make a pro and con list…… I do like my lists

    This hits kind of close to home in a bizarre way. That knowledge that someone is never going to pop up on a news feed can leave a hole. Im sorry for that loss of yours!

    Personally, I am trying to work on better time management, particularly making time to see friends. For the first semester ever I am working while taking classes and I feel as though I have let very important friendships go by the wayside. I want to maintain these relationships and I became so use to living in residence where friendship was so easy to keep up that now living in my own place its work and I want to put the effort in with many of the people Ive met the last four years.

    Even though I am only 22 I feel as though I shall never get a handle on this whole being an adult thing. I mean I always tell myself that once my Grandpa grown up I have 60 years before I have to. Honestly, Im my oppinion as long as your enjoying your life, and overal being a good person (We all have our off days) things are going to work out eventually.

    Reading has been decent! last time I checked I was one book behind my GoodReads Goal but I am not too worried about that. I just try and read a little bit every day, that might be 5 pages or 5 hours. I just want to keep doing something that is just for me.

    I only just got into Girlmore Girls about a year and a half ago, (when they put it all on Netflix) and I will admit I have watched it twice since then. I loved it. That being said, I would still love to marathon it with you haha

    I feel like I have covered it already but my life lately has been work and school. And starting to stress about my school application for this fall. I didnt get in last year and I am worried that I wont again this year. I have gotten to the point where I have no back up plan. Well I might have one, but I dont know if I like it……and its kind of scary……and I haven’t mentioned it to anyone because Im scared it may jinx my application. Not getting in last year was one of the hardest things I have dealt with. I have always been ‘good’ at school, its kind of been my thing for as long as I can remember, so that rejection letter kind of sent me into a bit of an identity crisis. Ultimately I like the person I have become 8 months later, but I still struggle with the ‘what ifs’

    I hope you are doing well Jamie xxx.
    Peace and Love!

  3. (I am going to go ahead and use the same format you do in this comment and hope that that is okay.)
    If we were having coffee (or tea)… I’d tell you I just finished a FANTASTIC graphic novel last night called The Arrival and am about to start reading Blue Voyage which I am also really excited about because ADVENTURE. I’d ask how A Step Toward Falling was going and also ask if you had read the author’s previous book (I CANNOT RECALL THE NAME. I AM SORRY.)

    If we were having coffee… I’d tell you I am so excited for you guys and so happy that Finn is changing your life. I’d also mention that I LOVE when you share photos of you guys looking all cute on the internett.

    If we were having coffee… I would tell you that I am so so so sorry that that person passed away. I would tell you that I completely understand how you feel since I went through a similar experience a couple years ago. I’d also probably awkwardly pat your shoulder or give you a hug.

    If we were having coffee… I’d tell you that I think I do sometimes struggle with self sabotage because of self doubt and low self esteem and tell you that I am so sorry that you feel that way. I would tell you that I hope you’d be able to find a way where that wouldn’t be as big of an issue any more.

    If we were having coffee… I’d tell you that as a YA I kind of do feel like that by the time I am an ‘adult’ I would have everything figured out and it’s kind of terrifying knowing that there is a good chance that actually won’t happen. I’d also tell you that I am working on adult things like resumes and it is terrifying but also kind of exciting.

    If we were having coffee… I’d ask about your book slump and maybe even pile on a bunch of recommendations because I am a butt. I’d also tell you that the fact that you read 4 books this month as opposed to the 2 from last month is definite progress and then high five you. I’d also congratulate you on your awesome new kindle and ask if you were planning on buying a fancy cover for it!

    If we were having coffee… I’d shamefully admit to not having ever watched Gilmore Girls and then hide under the table because I COULDN’T BEAR THE DISAPPOINTMENT. I’d also tell you that the only TV I’ve been watching lately is HGTV and the Food Network because they are addictive and make me wish for things I CANNOT HAVE.

  4. I’m typing this on a tablet, so I’m sorry if there’s typos.

    1. I’m currently reading “Love Will Keep Us Together” by: Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt.
    2. I rehabilitated a white eared painted turtle. He didn’t make it out of the bold he was laid in, so we got him out and brought hum back to life, taking care of him for a few years. Getting him fish at the pet store that were okay for him to eat, so he could learn to catch those and such. And then released him back to the pond at our old house (where he was born).
    3. There’s so many books and do little time!! My laptop went kaput internet wise, so I’ve been getting more reading done.
    4. I’m SO excited about the Gilmore Girls reboot!! I’ve been rewatching it off and on lately (when I have time after catching up on my shows that are currently airing) and I appreciate it so much more at the age I am at now. I was super young (I’m 23 now) when it first aired.

  5. I actually know someone in the book blogging community who just passed away. šŸ™ I didn’t really know her that well but she was one of my clients. So sad. šŸ™

  6. Oh yes! I was into Gilmore Girls when I was teenager and college student big time šŸ™‚ Where I live (Prague), they started re-play of all seasons on TV channel this summer so I have been watching it all over again. I am on Season 5 at the moment.

  7. Mind if I do this for my blog also? I was away for a while and I wanna explain why to my followers. and this is a great idea to tell that.

    If we were having coffee….. I would tell you how proud I am for you to have rescued dogs. I work in a shelter, a no killing one, I don’t think there are any killing ones in the Netherlands because we are a much much much smaller country then America.

    If we were having coffee…. I would tell you and your boyfriend how cute Finn is. And give Finn a cuddle šŸ™‚

    If we were having coffee…. I would say that I love your blog

    If we were having coffee…. I would tell you that I’m sad lately but that reading your, and other blogs, make me relax and a bit more happy.

    Have a lovely Sunday šŸ™‚

  8. I completely agree with you about the adult thing. I am 31 – I’ll be 32 in December – and I have the same theory as you, that nobody really knows what we’re doing, everyone is kind of making it up as we go along. Sure, we learn and grow as we experience new things and change over time. But I don’t think it’s the actual number of years we’ve lived that helps us grow up, it’s the experiences we’ve had and the life lessons we’ve gotten the opportunity to learn. I have a great career, wonderful husband, amazing home, etc., … yet, most days I’m like “oh, crap, I forgot – I have to adult today”. So it’s not just you! Not by a long shot. And I think if most people were honest, they would say the same.

  9. 1. I’m always reading several books at once — currently: Blood And Salt by Kim Liggett, What We Left Behind by Robin Talley and for audio Sparkers by Ellen something or other.

    Risk taking can be a lot of fun. I am currently taking that piece of advice about doing something everyday that scares you to heart. I went white water rafting and jumped off a cliff and it terrified me, but I did it and felt so alive and appreciative.

    If we were having coffee, we would totally make fun of how ridiculous it is that I just spent an obscene amount of money on one of those Erin Condren planners, but then talk about how office supplies are the absolute best.

    Also? We would talk about how much fun it is to go out and reconnect with old friends, but how appealing it is to curl up the next night with a book and some lite jams and just relax.

    I would also tell you that my boyfriend just got a cat. I am coming to terms with being okay with her, but I still really want a dog. During the readathon I was laying there with a book and the cat comes over and flops her body on my head wtf.

    If we were having coffee, I would say hey girl heyyyy it’s okay to not be reading all the books. Slumps come and go.

  10. This post is so timely! I, too, have been listening to the Happier podcast AND struggling with the decision to adopt a dog. I love dogs, but I kept second-guessing myself. (What if I mess up? What if it makes our lives too complicated? What if I regret it?) Listening to Gretchen talk about “Living the Bigger Life” and her own decision to adopt a dog made me realize I was letting fear and uncertainty hold me back from experiencing something that will add so much to my life.

    Cheers!

  11. I love that you are so into helping shelter dogs! I wish I did more volunteer stuff with that but I’m technically allergic. (I’ve never noticed when I’m at people’s houses). Thumbs up for you!

    I’m 33 and ya it’s not really cool. I’m like how look 40 on the horizon why does that not seem as old as it used to seem. I’m married with 2 kids and a job and I still don’t feel like I have it together.

    The self sabotage thing. I’m sort of like that only I have trouble making friends. I’m just starting to realize how being bullied when I was younger has had an affect on me now. I often am hesitant to make friends (especially other bloggers) because I always think people probably think I’m weird , or my blog is dumb, or I’m funny looking or people are talking about my weirdness. I realize I bully myself before I even have the chance to try to make friends with someone.

    I’m really excited for the new Gilmore Girls too!! Yay

  12. I love these posts. Don’t worry about not feeling like an adult. I think that’s normal. I think that inside I’ll always feel about 17. I am 35, and I have a 5 year old son, and some days I still wake up and think, “I have a baby! How crazy is that!” I don’t know if this life will ever feel like my life. It’s so weird.

    Good for you going out of your comfort zone. I gave my blog business card to two people at NerdCon. That was huge thing. I don’t like to talk about myself and self promote, and I haven’t been doing this that long, so it felt really weird. But I did it. And I was so proud of myself.

    I’m in the middle of watching Gilmore Girls now, so I’m pretty excited about the Netflix announcement as well. I don’t know how I missed it the first time. It would have been the perfect show for my mom and my sister and I to watch together. Maybe it started after I was already in college. I can’t remember.

  13. This is a great post idea. I think I will also try this out.

  14. Yay I LOVE these posts! So I’m probably most likely drinking hot chocolate, because you know, EW COFFEE. šŸ˜›

    If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m in the middle of The Rose Society, Just Visiting, and Seven Nights to Surrender, and I’m enjoying them all. After a really bad slump, I’m accepting this. Because I haven’t been in the mood FOR SO LONG and it’s so great to be reading again.

    I’d tell you that we’ve never had rescue pets, BUT ours have always been the last of the bunch/strays/ones nobody else wanted. Our current dog was about to be taken to the pound because our neighbor couldn’t find anyone else who wanted her! But she’s fit in so well with our family, and has been a blessing for us these past six years (omg she is SIX I CANNOT BELIEVE IT). Definitely savor the time when he’s still a baby. They grow up so fast! *sniffles*

    I’d tell you that the last time I did something out of my comfort zone was a wedding shower, I guess? I mean, it was for my best friend and so I obviously had her family there. But I went by myself, and I didn’t even try to get my mom to be my date to it. It was awkward at first, but my other childhood friend showed up with her mom and kid, so then it wasn’t so bad anymore. So it wasn’t totally out of my comfort zone, but I HATE going to social events alone, even if it is for my bestie.

    I’d also tell you that I am a self-sabotoger as well (that’s not a word, I know, but for the life of me I cannot figure out how I want to say it). I am my own worst enemy. I stop myself from so many opportunities and things, and it’s hard. I just, I guess I don’t like being out of my comfort zone too much? I like things and people I know, I take comfort in familiarity. So when it’s something that I’m not even 100% sure about, I panic and run from it. It’s hurt my friendships a lot, especially, and I’m not completely sure how to change that except to try being more honest and more open. But that. is. HARD. I’m not an open person, and I’ve been through a lot with friendships that it’s hard to trust that if I DO show them more, they’ll accept it or understand or they’ll actually stay in my life later on. I wish there was some advice I could give you here, but I’m not even sure myself. I do know that I have a thing I want to do that is scary and gives me anxiety thinking if I can even make it happen, but I’m NOT going to self-sabotage myself with this. I won’t allow it. <–Hoping that type of thinking will help me A LOT.

    I'd tell you that my reading life has been better! But my blogging life? Aye, so much there that makes me feel insecure and full of self-doubt. I think it's part of the reason why I haven't been reading much. Because then I'd have to BLOG about them afterward, and I was like NAH NO THANKS.

    If we were having coffee, I'd tell you that I'm pretty sure NO ONE ever has their life figured out. And I think that's okay. Let's just all stumble along through adulthood together and not worry about having it all figured out. Also I'd tell you that with the reboot, I wasn't initially excited because I couldn't get into Gilmore Girls when I tried it (even though I've always loved watching random episodes on TV, which is weird). But I really do want to try it again someday! The episodes I watched always made me laugh, and I love that.

    Thanks for the coffee date, Jamie, always a pleasure!

  15. This is all very disjointed and not very timely BUT I love the idea of choosing the bigger life. I have a chance for a potential big change and I’ve been struggling with if I even WANT that much change but I think framing things that way is a good way to think about things.

    And good for you about getting out of your comfort zone. I’ve been making a conscious effort to be brave and get out of my own way since this summer and it is so hard sometimes. But I have yet to regret.

    And happy birthday again. I’m glad you’re enjoying what you’ve seen of 30 so far. My birthday is in January and I am feeling really weird about because I just didn’t think this is where I’d be at 30 but I also think it’s probably okay. It’s just a number. But it’s a weird number.