Oh helloooo there! I am still alive. Trying to get myself motivated to blog again — it’s like I have motivation in my head but the actual physical act of opening my laptop, logging into this thing and typing just somehow doesn’t happen.
So let’s talk about all the things I’ve been doing that clearly aren’t blogging….seems like an easy way to get back into this.
1. Having an epic reading slump and then somehow defeating it: Oh man guys. Some rough days I had where I just didn’t want to read. No desire. But then I WANTED to but my brain honestly felt like it couldn’t concentrate. I’ve been told maybe it’s pregnancy brain? IDK. It was terrible. But in the past month I have been a bonafide reading machine. I cannot wait to share with you guys what I’ve been reading because I’ve read some pretty delightful things! Are we friends on Goodreads? You can get a sneak peek of what I’ve been reading before I write about it on here.
2. Having an identity crisis as a blogger: Blogging hasn’t been on my mind much since finding out I was pregnant because for the first trimester I was so so so sick that I just couldn’t do anything but then I just had so much other stuff. But honestly some of it? I don’t know what this blog is anymore after almost 7 years and where it’s going to go. It’s no secret that I write about a lot of other stuff than books and have for a long time but I just feel all sorts of “what is going to become of this blog?” feelings. I’ve moved to a bit of a lifestyle + heavy books feel mostly but I don’t know what the direction will be once I have the baby. In my heart of hearts I don’t want this to be a mom blog (just not a thing I personally want to do) but I do feel like that’s going to be a big part of my life so naturally some posts would reflect that just as anything else in my life. And then the worries of having less time and reading less books? I’m just kind of letting this blog be whatever it is. I feel like most of you have stuck around here for ME and not just all book stuff but who knows?
3. Finding out the sex of our baby: Will and I found out we are having a girl! I totallyyyyy was convinced it was a boy (we didn’t care either way) so I was honestly a little surprised when she said girl! It’s kind of fun because 4/5 girls in my friend group are pregnant right now and WE ALL ARE HAVING GIRLS which is so fun.
4. Being immersed in all things baby: Lots of things to do to prepare. I’m halfway through my pregnancy (21 weeks holla & yay for finally having a bump) and there’s lots of decisions to be made. We’ve decided we are going to stay in our apartment for the next year because it’s just not the right time for a house for us. Sooo a baby + us + a dog in a one bedroom apartment is going to be fun. We’ve been working on our registry (holla to Amazon and Target for being easy) and it’s taken me sooo long. WHAT DO WE NEED? WHAT IS THE BEST OF THE THINGS WE NEED? We’ve also been trying to figure out a NAME for this kid which…..Will and I don’t agree on names so that’s very fun. Although at the end of the day I told him I hold the ultimate trump card because I’m carrying this baby and have to birth her. So much baby stuff to figure out.
5. Spending time with my friends: It’s been so nice to have friends who are going through the same thing as me at the same time. It’s been such a help to me to be able to ask questions and commiserate and just talk about the changes. Aside from the baby stuff, I just really enjoy spending time with them and I don’t know what I’d do without their support. My friends are like the least social media connected people I know and I always feel so IN the moment with them? My phone is rarely out which is weird because I am the social media obsessed one out of all of us. But it’s the best to be honest. I feel like I’ve finally found my people after thinking that I was probably done making adult friends. We’ve done some fun things though — celebrated our friend who is due first with a baby shower, tapas with our husbands, dinner dates, our Monday Funday dates where we spend time just talking and talking until I realize it’s so past my bedtime.
6. Worrying: I’m a natural worrier but having a tiny human in you that is eventually going to come out? ULTIMATE FODDER FOR WORRY. I’ve been trying to be chill for the baby but I would be lying if I said I didn’t worry. I worry about the baby while she’s in there….it’s so scary to be incubating a human because so much can go wrong. But then comes the worries of when she’s born (the actual birth part scares the HELL out of me so yeah) — what if I suck as a parent? What if something happens to her? What if financially we aren’t prepared? What am I going to do with my life (ie my career stalled, I’m directionless and now I’m having a baby and have no idea what I will do)? But the thing that keeps me up at night is worrying about if I should get sick or die and then I leave this human here. I’m sure it’s a thing that all parents worry about but maaaaan…losing my mom messed me up in this department because I know what it’s like to be without your mom. It hit me really hard when I recently read what’s been happening in the life of a couple I’ve known since high school. She is around the same amount of weeks I am in pregnancy and they just found out her husband has a pretty serious cancer and I just sob every time I read updates because I just can’t imagine being in her place. I can’t imagine being pregnant and finding out Will was really sick. And then it spirals into me thinking about what if I’m sick? What if something happens to me? It keeps me up a lot.
7. Dealing with my changing body: This has been hard, man. All my life I’ve worked hard to NOT gain weight and now I’m supposed to? So counter-intuitive. It’s so hard when I want to wear a cute dress I love but it doesn’t fit anymore. All the fitness progress I had made is gone even though I TRY to exercise or at least walk. It’s just hard to get used to the way my body is changing. Also the more the belly grows the harder it is to do things.
8. Watching lots of tv: Oh man….tv has saved me when I couldn’t read. I can’t wait to talk about what I’ve been watching.
9. Spending time with Will and Finn: I’m just really enjoying the time left as a family of just me, Will and Finn. We’ve been enjoying some of these weird 70 degree winter days and just have made an effort to go on dates and make plans for the next few months before the baby makes her arrival in July. Will and I have been married since 2012 and I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve had together just as a married couple and all the memories we’ve made. We got Finn a little over a year ago and he fit our little family perfectly. And now things are going to change again. I was always 50/50 on having kids….if he didn’t want to have them I would have been fine but I’m also fine having a baby. I just never felt strongly one way or another. But I feel peace and I am excited to expand our little family.
What have you guys been up to while I’ve been away? This week I have a giveaway to bring to you and also a post about some of the things I’ve been reading! It feels good to be ~home~ again. I’ve missed you all!