Why I Am The Way I Am


Well, I really don’t have the answer for the overarching reason of why I am the way I am in general. That’s another topic for another day. More so, I had an encounter this weekend that reminded me why I blog, why I do it the way I do  (read: probably way too open and emotional and sappy for most people). It was definitely one of those life-affirming things for me.

So Will had off on Friday for the 4th of July and we kept throwing around ideas for things to do. We finally decided just to stay around our area. We took a four mile walk (2 miles to this cute neighborhood we love with lots of shops and food stuff and 2 miles back). One of my missions, besides getting coffee, was to find this Little Free Library (which I think is the COOLEST concept ever) that I knew was in the area so I loaded up a backpack with a couple books and we went. It was an adorable street off the main road and when we walked up there were two ladies outside in front of it actually picking out paint colors for it — one being the owner and the other her neighbor. I’m a chatty/friendly person (clearly you know this) and so we got to talking to them for a little bit. Learned that the owner of the LFL used to work with Laurie Halse Anderson who I love so that was pretty cool but then she talked about WHY she decided to put up a Little Free Library. And here comes the life/blog-affirming part.

Little Free Library

She shared that she had gotten the Little Free Library when she was caring for her husband who was diagnosed with ALS. They felt closed off as it got harder to go places for him and so she got one in hopes that neighbors and the community would come use it. It became such an uplifting thing for him (and for her) to have neighbors and others come visit and exchange books and interact with them in such a hard time. I haven’t really talked about it on the blog as much as I’ve talked about losing my mom to brain cancer but Will’s dad passed away from ALS about 5 years ago. So this story really, really moved me and I was so thankful that she shared it.

Here’s the thing. I’ve always believed that reading and books are a special sort of magic. They are there when you are lonely, when you need to feel connected to other humans, when you need to escape, when you need something to uplift you or energize you or don’t want to feel alone in whatever you are dealing with. They have the power to transform and save and do all sorts of things. Words and stories are so powerful.

It reaffirmed for me about how much reading and blogging about what I read is about connection for me — connecting with other readers, hearing their stories and just connecting with humanity in the pages of the books I read. I think that’s why I’m so willing to share the personal things. Why I hope you will trust me with your stories when I share whether that be in the form of blog posts of your own, in my comments or in my inbox. That’s why I might talk more about my experiences related to a book or how a story moved me personally. It’s just important to me. It’s just how I’m wired. Maybe it was losing my mom when I realized how much CONNECTING with other people who went through something hard/similar and hearing their stories made me not feel so alone. How certain books were there for me at the right time.

It reaffirmed why I run my blog the way I do.


And this is not to say that it’s the right way (I’ve said it a zillion times before…no right way/no better way). It’s just the way that makes me feel content and makes it fulfilling and worthwhile FOR ME. It’s why I’m okay that I’m not naturally the blogger who can do a wonderful critical analysis and point out all the technical things that just don’t come so easily for me. It’s why I’m okay with featuring books in different ways even though it might not be flashy and get a whole lot of attention. It’s why I’m okay writing more personal posts in favor of  promo posts. All those things that I don’t do are great and needed and important… but the things that I do are the things that align with ME and what I care about/what interests me and the blog gives me an outlet to do that. I’m so thankful for that. When I DO the things that make me fulfilled it’s what keeps this blog going (and everybody’s sense of fulfillment comes from something else!).

Sometimes I’ll get down on myself that maybe I should do this and that and what not. Maybe my blog should have more of this. Maybe it should look more like this. Maybe I should do less of this. But at the end of the day, I’m really happy with what I do. I’m happy with what I put out here and what I focus my time on when I do this. I’m so thankful for all the ways I’ve connected with people who became shoulders to cry on (metaphorical but whew you don’t have to endure the snot on your shoulder), who gave me advice or inspired me, who I may have helped with my words, who reached out to me and shared their stories, who may have felt inspired by my openness, etc. etc.

Today just really reaffirmed why I blog, why I do it the the way I do and why I am the way I am — no matter how the trends shift or what becomes cool. At the heart of this blog will always be the things that are important and fulfilling to me and I sincerely hope, for my fellow bloggers, that it’s that way for you — no matter how that looks! It also reminded me just how vast this book community is outside of my little corner of the bookternet and how wonderful it is.

Thank you for being vulnerable with me these 5 years. Thank you for sharing your stories on your blog, in the comments of my posts/emails or by the books that you write. It’s what has kept me around for the past 5 years — not the ARCs, not the “cool perks”, not the ad money, not the spotlight or anything else.

Blurred Lines

Sometimes I feel like there are very blurred lines between my life and blogging. Meaning, it’s really hard to separate all things blogging as they seem to bleed into every hour of my life very easily. I have to consciously UNPLUG from blogging because I don’t think the book blogger hat comes off unless I physically make it. There seems to not be a designated “blogging time” for me and then I’m done. There’s always something I could be working on with the blog. Comments I could be replying to. Emails to respond to. Blogs I could be reading. Conversations I could be having. Posts I could be writing to get ahead. Always something I could be doing. In addition to the books I could be reading. And I’ve REALLY noticed it lately as I’ve stepped back and taken inventory of my life.

I don’t know if it’s just a me thing? My own inability to make some boundaries? But I feel like I’m always “on the clock”, which isn’t awful because I love doing it, but as I’ve talked about I feel really unbalanced sometimes. I’m good about unplugging on the weekend and going to do other things not related to blogging (and I won’t say NO to other things because of blogging stuff) but I find most of my free time IS spent doing this. It’s the automatic thing when I come home and have free time. Fire up the laptop and work on something. Or when I am “unplugged” I’m never NOT checking Twitter or Instagram or reading a comment if an email comes through. Dear god I check it the moment I wake up and before I go to bed. It’s become an addiction.

There’s no separation between “life” and “thing I like to do” and I cannot honestly tell if that’s a good or a bad thing because 1) I love doing this and it does bring me a sense of fulfillment in aspects of my life and 2) I am a person who, when passionate about something, puts my whole self into it. Maybe it’s just part of having a thing that you love so much? I don’t know.

What got me thinking about all this? I was contemplating doing “Summer Hours” on the blog. In the past 4 years I’ve noticed that traffic and comments and general activity tends to go down in the summer. I, also with the rest of the world, seem to get busier in the summer. Why not post a bit less for myself and others? Why not actively spend less time on the blog as a PLAN? It seems to happen ANYWAYS because I look outside and can’t bear to be inside but why not be proactive about it?

I’m not the sort of person who feels compelled to post all the time. I have my general plan I shoot for and works for me (5x a week) but if I don’t feel like it or don’t have time…I don’t do it. I mean, I barely posted for the months leading up to my wedding. When I don’t feel like doing things blog related I DON’T and I honestly feel no stress in that decision. So it’s not a matter of feeling like I have to.

It’s just like blogging has become this extra appendage so to speak and it’s so embedded in my daily routine it’s second nature. It makes me realize, when I think about doing something like Summer Hours,  just how MUCH time I spend on all this without even realizing it. It scares me if I were to even try to calculate it out. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to do the whole Summer Hours thing or not but I’m still thinking on it because there’s a lot to consider!

I don’t think I have a point to all my rambling except for the fact I just really was curious how it is for you guys. Do you feel this way? How do you separate it? Is it hard for you to turn blogger mode off (aside from the obvious when you go do other things?) And if you aren’t a blogger, do you have anything in your life that you feel similarly about?


I’ve never really been a blogger who has been stressed about reading. (Seriously, before blogging, it would have baffled me that a reading or a hobby based on reading could be so stressful). I have the normal waves of “AHHH SO MANY BOOKS TO READ!” or “AHHHH SO MANY NEW RELEASES HOW CAN I KEEP UP?!?” (I never knew about new releases really before blogging) or “OMG I AM DROWNING IN BOOKS.” But they are small waves that travel through my body and momentarily freak me out and then are gone quickly.

I don’t keep a schedule for reading ARCs or any books, I read quite a variety of things old and new and I just generally keep it low stress for myself — because that’s just how I personally have wanted to go about this for the past (almost) four years.

But these past couple days? I had a meltdown. A big melty meltdown of toddler sized proportions. My thoughts are conflicting and confusing and…annoying? Because I hate stressing about things.

Can I just talk it out with you guys, please?

1. I feel so overwhelmed. There are so many books I’m never going to get to in my entire life. Likely even on my shelves I’ll never get to some of them. I don’t read by release dates but I try to be conscious of what I’ve got but, months like this where EVERYTHING good seems to be coming out, I am slowly feeling anxious over all the books I WANT to get to in this month (and the next) but know that at the pace I read and the time I have available to read that I’ll never get to all the ones I want to + the ones I want to buy when they come out. I get envious of other’s ability to read more than I can.

I feel like keeping up is a fruitless endeavor. I completely stress over which book to read next because I realize that I need to be smart about which books I read because of my finite reading ability and every dud of a book is time I could have had for a better book for me. I get all frantic about my choices and the ones left on the shelves. I feel like I’m missing out (is there book FOMO..there has to be? MAJOR BOOK FEAR OF MISSING OUT). I’m staring at all my books for review & the ones I’ve bought and I feel overwhelmed. Too many choices. Too much pressure. Not enough time.  When I feel like this I just want to hole up and read ALL THE HOURS OF THE DAY I HAVE FREE — because I’m genuinely excited about all these books but because of the book FOMO or stress or whatever we want to label it.

2. But then I have these other thoughts where I just don’t WANT to read all day every day, despite the rabbit-esque multiplying my TBR does on the daily, as much as sometimes I feel the pressure to do that because of blogging. I’ve talked about how last year I was feeling really unbalanced in life because of book blogging but I really do like to maintain some sort of balance in my life in all areas. Blogging has always been a struggle because it is so easy to let it take up a lot of time without even realizing it. I’ve been intentional about setting low reading goals even though I know I COULD read more + setting boundaries with blogging.

Sometimes I feel like, as much as reading is one of my favorite things in LIFE, I just don’t want to read THAT much and becoming a devouring machine that constantly and only ever is reading. I also want to savor what I’m reading. To not just move on to the next thing and let that be that — like how I was before I started blogging. I don’t want to treat reading like a race.  And on top of that..I really don’t want reading to be this stressful thing. (I know I control that though blogging DOES add to that).

And really..what’s the end game in me reading that much or trying to frantically read that much? It’d be a combination of the desire to read ALL THE BOOKS because as a bookworm I want to know all the stories & worlds & characters  & also it’s the pressure… but to what end? For what purpose? This is what I have to keep asking myself. I can’t do it all. I need perspective.

Sigh I feel much better getting that out. I’m taking deep breathes and just trying to go back to my zen attitude about reading and blogging. I’m okay with my little bookworm freakouts that happen from time to time because such is the bookworm life but I’m not okay with the rattling meltdown I had (for no reason) in the past couple days wherein I just stressed myself out big time about something I love and that keeps me sane normally.

Does anyone else sometimes feel the weight of all the books they will never get to?? Bloggers, do you feel stressed about reading sometimes?? How do you manage? I’m not used to succumbing to the pressure that’s always there! Please can we talk this out because Will just doesn’t get it at all!

Feeling A Lack Of Balance & Other Blogging Thoughts

Friends, it’s been yet another great year for me in terms of reading and blogging. I’ve honestly had so much fun and incorporated a lot of new things into the blog that I love. I feel like my blog is always evolving since I started it in 2010 and I love it…especially because it helps me not to get bored (I have a habit of abandoning hobbies). But I’ve been honest with you that I have been struggling with discouragement community-wise and personally this year. I think I’ve finally figured out the last piece of my WEIRDNESS towards blogging this year — a feeling that maybe you don’t necessarily see reflected in the blog because I really love doing all this but it’s something within me. I really think I figured it out.


I feel so unbalanced.

I’ve always been a reader (ok except for this one dark time) but I’ve never read this much nor have I been so IMMERSED in the world of books like I have in the past 3.5 years. I love it. I do. But I feel so, so unbalanced in life. You know I don’t post every day, that I don’t care if I don’t post for a week and that I totally write about other things besides books. I don’t let myself get stressed out about all this and I am a fan of little blog vacations when I need them. Among many other things I admitted, you know I don’t read every day and I read way less than most of my fellow bloggers.

I still do plenty of OTHER things in my life — I’m not always reading or blogging but I do feel like I’ve let some hobbies go to the wayside and I’ve not opened myself up to a ton of new things because I spend a good chunk of free time on reading and blogging and going to bookish things. I just feel like my life is so unbalanced and it’s too heavy on the book side. The pie chart of my life would be dominated by all this. I hate feeling like that but I’ve finally put my finger on it.

Book blogging is so much more than merely reading and blogging. It requires a lot of time to write the posts and read the books but there’s also responding to comments (I’ve been SUCKING lately, sorry), visiting other blogs, maintaining personal relationships, conversing on Twitter, formatting, troubleshooting when things go wrong, the hell that is the email inbox of a blogger, blog maintenance, etc. etc. A huge time commitment it is but I’ve always enjoyed it so I do it.

It’s obvious to see how I could feel unbalanced with all the reading/blogging but I also think I really struggle with balancing my time with being a part of the community — keeping up with comments, visiting blogs, encouraging people, and Twitter. I try to limit my Twitter usage, because it’s SO easy to always be on because someone is always on, but I always feel like when I’m not on Twitter I get sort of forgotten about or that I missing out on all these fun conversations. I’ve really struggled with being on there too much to “keep up” with everything though lately I’ve really decreased my social media time after my experiment. I’m a slave to my phone so I can stay up to date on Twitter even when I’m not on the computer. It’s bad, friends.

I don’t really know what to do about this unbalanced feeling. So I made a list because I’m a listmaker through and through.

I could post less but do I want to? I feel like I have lots of ideas and I truly want to be posting everything I do.
I could read less but I don’t feel the pull to do that AND then I would struggle to have reviews? I only post (typically) 2 reviews a week. Would I be okay with only having one review per week.
I could incorporate other things into the blog. I’ve done this a decent amount and like it but what bookish posts would I give up to post instead? Would my readers dislike this?
I could make my reviews shorter so it takes less time and I won’t spend hours trying to get ALL my feelings out– I’ve cut them down significantly but I’m the type that just writes how I feel and sometimes it’s long and sometimes it’s short.
I could figure out ways to make blogging take less time — I’m thinking processes mostly. Do I need to create a new design every time for Top Ten Tuesday (but I really DO love doing it and growing in my skills)? Do I need to do some of the formatting things? Must brainstorm how I can be more efficient!
I could take the holidays off and regroup? I don’t know if I want to do that.
I could just sit here and feel unbalanced. Not really an option!

I don’t know. This post is really very pointless and I should have just kept it private but I feel the need to share with you guys and be honest and maybe you will have some insight from your own experiences — both with blogging and with other areas in your life when you’ve felt unbalanced.

But here’s the thing. I have to make decisions. My blog hosting is up at the beginning of January and I need to decide if I want to renew. Obviously I can still blog without renewing my hosting but for me it’s a matter of where is this blog going? And there’s another piece of information I left out — I’ve been sitting on a domain for another blog I wanted to start. There would still be books involved but not as the focus at all. I want to start it but that’s so much BLOGGING between both blogs.

At the end of the day, I love read and blogging and it’s not even that I don’t LIKE the amount of which I’m spending on either of these things. It’s just that it’s making me feel unbalanced and that the time I spend is on one SORT of thing. And that’s not me. I don’t really know how to fix it either because I love what I’m doing with the blog but I feel stuck a little in life — a rut so to speak and maybe it’s because I have one HUGE interest that takes up a good chunk of my free time. Maybe I need to open myself up to some new experiences and do a little less of the book thing. I don’t know.

Things I do know:
– I love reading and I love this blog and you guys. I love everything I’m doing here.
– I’m going to reevaluate all the types of blogs posts and features I did/have done.
– I’m going to think of new ideas (like Multi-tasking 101) that show another things I like to do outside of book stuff. Basically everything that I pin on my Pinterest and never do. Also, adventures. And my favorite kinds of posts — personal.
– I’m going to remember there is a reason I gave myself a tagline recently — so I could not pigeonhole myself.

Sorry for word vomiting all over you…


Does anyone else struggle with feeling unbalanced when it comes to book blogging or any other sort of hobby/thing in your life? I want all your experiences just not in terms of blogging! How do you deal with it? If you read my blog you know I totally incorporate many other interests into the blog aside from books, do you tend to like this or no?

Blogging When You Aren’t Feeling Like Yourself…

This post isn’t going to be pretty. Some of you might roll your eyes or be like “dude TMI…get back to the books” but I’ve always believed in and practiced honesty on this blog so..you know..here we go.

I have not been myself in the past few months — part of it was this but the other part was just life stuff not even remotely related to blogging. It wasn’t even every day. I wasn’t TOTALLY unhappy. I truly have had really amazing days but it was just this overall cloud of feeling LOST…something that’s maybe a conversation for another day.

And honestly… sometimes blogging is really hard to do when you aren’t feeling like yourself. On one hand, it’s really easy to sit behind the shiny exterior of your blog and your Twitter account and dish out great blog posts and witty tweets. Nobody could ever know there’s anything wrong. It’s part of our culture I’m sure — carefully assembling our lives so we look constantly happy and perfect and always having a damn good time with a smile plastered on our faces.

But on the complete other hand, it’s really, really hard to maintain a blog when you don’t feel like yourself. It takes up all my energy and I end up preferring to binge watch shows or mindlessly play games on my phone. I think it’s also hard because I don’t have a separate blogging identity — I am 100% unabashedly myself and it’s all out there. I can’t separate it. My twitter account isn’t strictly “business” but rather I share my life with you all — as a lot of you do too.

The 4 biggest things that are affected blogging wise when I don’t feel like myself:

– Writing posts: I don’t even have the energy and I feel so uninspired and uncreative.
Commenting: I am so enthused when I see comments on my blog and I seriously APPRECIATE every single one. Like flaily hands excited and thankful. I feel like I’ve made connections with my regular readers. I also love getting off my blog and visiting the blogs I love. But when I don’t feel like myself? I literally can’t even muster up the motivation to comment and then that makes me even sadder because I feel so disconnected.
Twitter: When I don’t feel like myself it’s in my nature to want to retreat — even though I know I shouldn’t. I find myself not even wanting to participate much on Twitter and then THAT makes me feel bad because the community is my favorite thing. I feel like I lost connections in my times of inactivity but I really felt like I had nothing positive to contribute because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and who wants to hear me whine and ask vague existential questions.
Reading: Sometimes I do just get lost in books when I’m not feeling myself but often times it feels like too much effort to read.

And the thing is…the whole time I wasn’t feeling myself? I was SO worried about how how it made me look as a blogger. I was afraid my friends who I had been chatting with daily would be like “what is wrong with her?/she sucks as a friend” or that people would think I was a selfish blogger because I wasn’t on my commenting game. I was afraid people would forget me or just think badly of me because I wasn’t replying to tweets fast enough (and sometimes not at all) or answering emails.

I think sometimes I feel like we (not everyone obviously) forget there is a person behind each and every blog. Someone who might be having a bad day (or week or year) or who might be taking care of a sick loved one or is working 3 jobs to barely pay the bills. I’ve seen it happen…people expect prompt responses, write people off because they aren’t in touch with them all the time, made assumptions about people who might not have responded back on a post or tweeted them back. So I got scared of all that even though I knew that, probably, if I was honest about it that most people would be gracious, kind and understanding.

Part of my insecurities about this stem from the fact I had a group of friends who really weren’t very empathetic in college. My mom was really sick with brain cancer then and I would get a lot of crap about “not being happy enough” or..and my favorite one…that I was moody. After that experience, I’ve been so careful about always putting a smile on my face and playing into that “everything is just fine” mentality.

But I don’t want to do that. Because you know what? It’s ok that sometimes we don’t feel like ourselves. It’s life.  In my experience, I’ve always found myself again but it takes time and patience and people who will stand by you. It takes action, hope, people to talk to and perspective. But that’s just how I’ve operated in the past — not saying that’s how it works for everyone.

And now here I am at the end of this post a) in a place where I feel like I’m finally getting out of whatever FUNK I’ve been in and b) really worried about how you will all take this post — too much info about me? excuses? feeling like I’ve been faking my enthusiasm in the past months? Dramatic?

Know this, I love the hell out of you guys. Your comments lift me up. Your friendship means a lot. Your love for reading is infectious and kept me excited.  I mustered up all the energy I could find during this time to keep this blog running because I love talking books with you all. I really do.

How do you guys deal with blogging when you don’t feel like yourself or you are going through a hard or stressful time? Even if you aren’t a blogger I’d love to know how you handle things when you aren’t feeling yourself!

Another One Of My Bookish (Err Well Maybe More Blogging) Fears!

I’ve talked about one of the most terrifying things in my bookish life before but I’m now going to share with you another one in my bookish/blogger life. I’ll start off with the story that prompted this post.

So a few weeks ago I had a friend from high school (who I absolutely adore but just haven’t talked to really SINCE then) said to me, “SO…I was searching about wedding stress induced shingles today and guess what I found?”

Well, if you saw my post about my wedding and how I got stress induced shingles, then you’ll know why I  was ready to pee my pants and flashes of screaming out things like “DANGER! THERE HAS BEEN A BREACH IN SECURITY. WE ARE NOW ON LOCKDOWN” as loud warning bells blared in the background! The Google machine naturally led her straight to this blog! THIS was one of my biggest fears– somebody happening upon my blog that I knew.

Why is this a fear you might ask?

I’m very controlled in who I give my blog out to in terms of my friends. Most of my closest family and friends KNOW that I blog obviously but very few “IRL” people know about it or have the URL. I’ve been thinking a lot about WHY this caused me anxiety and here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. My blog is a very personal space to me. Sure, I do book reviews and what not but I also put A LOT of myself into this blog. When I’m reviewing a book that resonates with me, I might tell you why it does on a personal level. I share A LOT here on this blog. Things that I don’t necessarily want to be vulnerable about with people who know me. I guess sometimes it’s easier with my blog readers — people get how books can affect you deeply and personally. And also, sometimes I just don’t want to talk about these things with people who I may see in real life. I feel much safer on my blog which seems counter-intuitive I suppose.

2. I’m afraid people just won’t understand. I am unabashedly myself on my blog. It’s funny because you always think about how easy it is to be someone else with an online persona but I am more myself than ever. It’s funny even how much Will sees that with my blogging. I don’t hide the nerdiness or feel embarrassed when I post really weird things or when I’m FREAKING OUT about a book or an author and flailing incessantly. I fear that they just won’t get it or think it’s super weird. I also sometimes fear being judged for reading YA when I shouldn’t at all. You all GET the things I love and that being a nerd is awesome. There’s a lot of people that I know in real life that either haven’t known this side of me because we were friends a long time ago or that I just know would automatically find it weird. Why I care I DON’T KNOW. Because it’s me. And the people who know me the best…know that about me.

3. I fear being open about it because there are just people from my past that I don’t want to creeping around here. I always kind of get these bursts of OMG I WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY ABOUT WHAT I DO but then I realize if I do that — I can’t control who gets here. So I may be friends with them on Facebook, and that’s fine to keep in touch, but I don’t really get too personal on Facebook. It’s more shallow for me than this blog or I just give very general life updates. This is probably why I’m the most conscious about who I tell. Some people I just don’t want to know get to see what my every day life is like via this blog or my Twitter that is linked to this blog.

In some ways I feel like I lead a bit of a double life — I mean not REALLY. Not like some Jerry Springer show where the wife finds out that her husband is some sort of internet p0rn star. It’s funny when I identify the reasons why I’ve been so anxious about being open about my blogging with my IRL people, the more I can’t understand some of my reasons — with the exception of #3 and some of #1. Because let’s see:

1. I’m NOT ashamed about blogging or what I read. So why should I be worried about what my friends or family may think?

2. I’m ok with who I am and all the nerdiness that abounds. SO again…why do I care that my friends my see JUST HOWWW nerdy I am? I happen to like the self I’ve become who doesn’t hold back about being unabashedly ME. I’m freaking WEIRD and  I own it.

I guess my hangups lie in not being willing to give access to a very personal (and important) side of my life to just anyone. In writing this I’ve already decided that I’m going to try to be more open about the fact that I blog about books and that it’s super important to me. Maybe not to EVERYBODY on my Facebook but just more people that maybe I trust or who I’d feel would be interested about it. I don’t necessarily need to GIVE them my url by any means but just being more willing to put it out there and stop feeling so scared to talk about an awesome part of my life. And then go from there!

What I want to know (because I’ve seen MANY bloggers put there stuff out on their personal FB pages): Do you feel like you lead sort of a double life — your real life or your blogger life? Do you tell people about blogging? Who knows that you blog about books? Do you post your blog stuff on your FB or elsewhere? Are you like me where you just don’t tell a lot of people or do you tell everybody you know? What fears do you have in telling?

SO mull it over and tell me how you are about this topic! I’m so very interested!

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