Jamie Gets Self Conscious Sometimes

I’ve been doing my whole Before & After blogging series in which I’ve been talking about the big and small ways I’ve changed since becoming a blogger. This post could probably easily fit within that series but mostly I feel like these are just my strange insecurities. I just never experienced these 2 things when I was just a reader and not a blogger that lately have been these things I’m very much aware of.

Disclaimer: I do not let these things influence my reviews or thoughts. You always have my candid thoughts here. These are just weird insecurities/self-conscious thoughts that pop into my head and I have to shake off. Also, this is about nobody nor am I saying things about people who DO these things that make me self conscious. That’s just my problem that I let these thoughts in.

1. The blogosphere sometimes makes me self conscious about liking too many books

This one sounds strange, right? I mean, YAY me. I’m reading and enjoying  books so that’s a win for me! However, sometimes I start feeling strangely self conscious about it if I’ve loved a string of books in a row because there is always a lot of talk in the blogosphere about people who “like everything” or who “aren’t critical enough” because they write a lot of glowing reviews (to which I pull out this).  A lot of times people talk about it like it’s a BAD thing that you’ve enjoyed too many books in a row which does baffle me a bit. I know I am not as uber critical or nitpicky as other readers but there are PLENTY of books, obviously if you read my blog, that don’t do it for me and you won’t find me recommending. There are not a ton of books I HATE (because I DNF them if I feel that strongly) but I do definitely have varying levels of  “not for me” to “it was ok” to “it was good” to “loved it” to “OMG PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES, BOOK.”

I’m sure there are a lot of people really DO just genuinely like most things they read or have chosen to only highlight the books they have enjoyed and can recommend and I’m sure there ARE even a few people who just write glowing reviews because they want publishers to like them (how people read/blog is not my problem — I choose to do what works for me).  I’m definitely not in either of those categories because I don’t like everything, I write positive/negative reviews and I don’t care if publishers don’t like me because I’m not reading for THEM and my reviews are for my readers.

I think, for me, I’ve just gotten REALLY good at picking up books I know I will like or  judging if I will like them from if other friends do/don’t. It annoys me when I start to feel bad because I’ve like the past 5 books I’ve read.

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Oh, the horror!

Like why should I really feel bad and afraid that people are going to be like, “that chick is SO not critical and I don’t trust her” or “ look at that bitch actually enjoying books“? SORRY NOT SORRY that I liked them. Reading is my hobby and I’m happy when I enjoy the books I read. And we know after such a long streak I’m bound to have a couple stinkers. I’m critical to a certain point, but for me,  I’m not dissecting literature. I’m telling you whether or not I enjoyed and why or why not and who I would recommend it to. I give my reasons but I’m not actively looking for things to hate about a book.

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Thankfully, I just don’t really CARE what people think about if I am not critical enough or too positive or judge me for liking the past 5 books I read…because  uhhh it’s my free time and I’m happy when I spend time reading a book and enjoy it. But I cannot pretend I don’t feel a little self conscious when I’m reading a slew of books I enjoy. Not going to lie.

2. Sometimes other blogger’s reviews make me feel STUPID

 

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Sometimes I will read a review of a book that I LOVED TO PIECES and will read a review ripping it to shreds and pointing out thing and I’m like UHHHH I never saw that or thought of that? WHY AM I NOT SMART?? Especially if they are really thoughtful bloggers and then I read it and totally actually AGREE with what they are saying I just feel so DUMB for not seeing what they saw or picking up on it. I’m like oops. I must have built a bridge in my head over that plot hole. Or hmmm I didn’t pick up on this inconsistency. Or that something wasn’t accurate culturally or historically. I feel like maybe I should have being an English major in order to keep up with some of the things people are able to talk about and pick up on in their reviews because I can’t analyze the way do — like my reviews are forever stuck in the kiddie pool. I mean, on one hand, I’m fine with it. I’m just an every day reader and my reviews are not inherently scholarly or professional. But on the other hand, it makes me question myself because WHY didn’t I see the really smart things they picked up on in a book I loved. And then I’m like WAHHH I am an unhelpful reviewer. SELF PITY PARTY. Logically I KNOW we all see things differently and bring different things to the table but I can’t help but feel dumb when I don’t see things that others doooo!

 

I HATE that sometimes I get self conscious about these things when I know logically it’s so dumb and I never ever thought about these things before I blogged . Has anyone else ever experienced these things or am I just really too self conscious? THANKFULLY I just THINK about these things and don’t let them really affect me. I AM JUST SILLY AND SELF CONSCIOUS SOMETIMES!!

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