I saw a life coach I love, Ashley, do a post entitled If We Were Having Coffee and I decided to take her lead and do one myself in November 2013 because I loved it and sometimes I feel like we forget that there is a whole life behind the people that write and read blogs. I got such a great response to my initial post so I made it a reoccurring thing for the past couple of years and do it when I feel so inclined!
So, grab your coffee/beverage of your choice and meet me for a chat. Currently I am drinking Spearmint Herbal Flavored Water from Trader Joe’s!
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’m currently reading They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera. I’d ask what you are reading right now!
If we were having coffee.…I’d tell you that I’m settling into #momlife decently but I’m also still struggling with my identity. I love Riley to pieces and she’s got so much more personality than before when she was a cute little blob of newbornness. She’s fun to hang out with now but sometimes I still struggle with sharing so much of my time and feeling like I don’t have a handle on who I am. BUT I’m taking your advice and trying to be gentle with myself. Also, the blog definitely makes me feel more like myself when I have time to write.
If we were having coffee.…I’d tell you that I feel kind of sad that I rarely see my friends anymore though we text all the time. I thought most of us having babies around the same time would mean LOTS OF BABY HANGOUTS and stuff but that hasn’t been the case. We’ve only seen each other a couple times. I mean, we all have babies under 6 months so it’s new for us and everyone seems to be busy but I just miss girl time. Like so much. I miss hanging out in our pjs and drinking wine and laughing. I miss going out to eat with them and talking non-stop. They’ve been my biggest support in this journey but damn I miss face to face time with them.
If we were having coffee…. I’d tell you that I’ve found myself completely enthralled by all the things I’m learning about child development and sleep and how babies learn. I always have been a researcher wherein I will find myself needing to learn ALL THE THINGS about something that interests me or something I’m diving into and so obviously this baby thing is a whole new beast. I’ve learned so much stuff in the past 3 months and I’m wondering if I missed my calling in life. I love taking what I’m learning to help Riley — learning so much about play that enhances what is naturally going on in that little brain of hers and I love knowing what kind of developmental spurts she’s going through. I keep telling Will that maybe a career change is in order?? Or maybe I just care about it in relation to my own tiny human. WHO KNOWS.
If we were having coffee…. I’d tell you that as of my 6 week checkup at my OB I was like 8 pounds shy of my pre-baby weight which surprised the hell out of me considering because of my recovery I wasn’t allowed to even go for walks. Despite that I’m still getting used to my post-baby body, despite being in awe of it for what it did and how it healed from such a hard labor, but I really want to start working out again because I want to fit into ALL My clothes again and I just feel so physically week. I want to feel healthy again. It’s just so hard to find time to work out with a new baby. Hoping to figure it soon! I know I’ll feel better if I do.
If we were having coffee… I’d tell you that I’m wanting to possible “rebrand” this site. I will still mostly be talking about books and my life, like I have been, but if you’ve been a reader of this blog you know I’ve incorporated other interests here and there — music, fashion, movies/tv, etc. I feel like I have one foot in and one foot out of the book community these days. I’ve always written about what I wanted to despite being labeled as a “book blog” but I definitely think I want to incorporate more things on a regular. I’ve had a domain I’ve been sitting on for years when I had this idea but I think I’m now ready to do it…you know, when I find time when Riley naps. It’s very daunting to think about changing the name/url of this site and I cried trying to figure out all the logistics it would entail to not screw everything up. If anyone is a wizard in these areas PLEASE HIT ME UP.
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I have NO IDEA what books are out right now or upcoming. I’ve never felt more out of the loop of book news in my life!! it’s a weird feeling. I’d ask you what you are excited about that is upcoming or recently released!
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’ve always had trouble turning my brain off at bedtime but I feel like it’s even worse now…or maybe it just feels worse because I never know when Riley might get up. It’s not even anxiety/worrying anymore, like when she was first born, that keeps me awake but just like replaying things, thinking through things or even coming up with blog ideas (which is great but not a super convenient time). I’d ask you if you had any good ideas for falling asleep better.
If we were having coffee…what would you tell me? Come on…lay it all out! It’s just you, me, the pleasant sounds of a cafe…and maybe some other eyes in the comment section but NBD right?? Our we can have coffee in my inbox if you don’t feel comfortable. I really want to know! What’s going on with you?
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Ciara Smyth says
I loved ‘we both die at the end.’ I thought about it for days afterwards wondering what I’d do on my last day and then panicking for a while at the realisation that any day can be my last day but no one will phone me up and tell me!
Jamie says
YES omg that has been ME while reading this book. I notice, in myself, things will happen that make me realize how fragile life is (tragedies, people I know passing, etc) and I resolve to live more fully and then…maybe it lasts a couple days and I’m back to taken it all forgranted. UGH. :/
Judy Hudgins says
First off, you will always be ‘mommy’ now….it’s part of your name now. And for years, some people will only know you as Riley’s mom. Nothing you can do about it. Second, as all the babies get a bit older and are more mobile, play dates will start occurring. Especially when weather is nice. As far as new books, you’ll catch up and get into a rhythm. Which will change in a few years when they go to school. Most of all, have fun!
Jamie says
THank you for the encouragement. I never realized how overwhelming and all encompassing this would be…even though logically I KNEW it would be..if that makes sense.
Sim @Flipping Thru the Pages says
I am so glad that you came back into blogging. I really missed your posts. And I think having the anxiety is totally normal because of this very big change in your life. But I also believe that it will get better with time and also I do believe that you are a strong person and eventually will come through this.
And oh, don’t worry about the books. Just scroll through Insta one day when you are free and you will get to know about all the recent happenings in bookish world 😀
And I totally agree with the idea of changing the blog name. You should definitely do it if you feel like doing it. I am sure it will be great too 🙂 And I do work in this field (I mean a little bit) but don’t think that it is possible to migrate to a new site with similar stats? Maybe we can research for it. But given the number of followers, you will soon reach to that point where you are now 🙂
Jamie says
<333 Thank you so much for the nice words and encouragement. Sometimes while I was away and not posting it felt like maybe nobody would really notice!
Haha so true…between Twitter and Insta I should be up-to-date.
I saw a travel blogger I love do what I want to do…her site was Candice Does the World but then she changed the Name and URL to Free Candie…I think it redirected candicedoestheworld to Free Candie? I THINK. I need more time to figure it out haha
Sim @Flipping Thru the Pages says
Yes right.. redirection of the url is always possible 🙂
Michelle says
Oh, We Both Die at the End slayed me. Such a hauntingly beautiful novel.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that everything you mention is perfectly normal and still part of the process of having a baby and adjusting to parenthood. As you said, just continue to be gentle with yourself. I can’t say that you will ever get the hang of it – given that with a 13yo and a college student I still struggle figuring out who I am in relation to those two – but you will be more comfortable with everything.
Jamie says
I’m close to the end and I’m feeling so many emotions!!!
I’m glad that you say this is all normal <3 Makes me feel much less crazy. I guess it's just going to be a constant evolution!
Michelle @ Pink Polka Dot Books says
I love that you’re all about the researching the developmental stuff with Riley. I feel like for the first year I was just in the “keep the baby alive” mode. I definitely STRUGGLED hardcore with the identity stuff, so if you ever want to talk, you have my number. Riley is the cutest little thing– I wish I lived on the East side of the state so I could visit and meet her!! Also, happy to hear you’ve recovered well physically 🙂
Jamie says
Hahah I am mostly still in that mode! Some days are like I GOT THIS and then other moments its like who thought it was a good idea for me to be in charge of another human. When did you feel like the struggle with identity got a bit better?? And oh man I wish you could meet her!! If you ever find yourself this way…you better let me know!!
Laura @ Scribbles & Wanderlust says
Regarding girl time, it’s going to require some help from the men. Schedule something, a girl’s night (in or out!), a month or so in advance. Make sure the husbands/sfamily members/a babysitter is free to take care of the babies. Then you girls go do your own thing. Go out to dinner, see a movie, hang out at someone’s house (baby spends night at grandparents’ and husband is out with his friends) in your PJs and play games or chat or whatever. That way you guys can be alone together, no babies to worry about, and just be yourselves. It takes planning, but it really works. And if you make an effort to try to do that once a month or once every two months, it’s like date night but better, because it’s predictable and it’s entirely for you ladies 🙂 It worked with my friends. We’ve also done girl lunches + babies, which isn’t as productive but it’s more flexible.
I’m looking forward to reading CITY OF BRASS, an adult fantasy debut. I’ve read a couple sample chapters and the writing is engaging and absorbing 🙂
As for sleeping, I’m not the best one to offer advice, but some things that have helped me in the past: no screens an hour before bed, and warm milk OR hot cocoa. It rests the eyes and warms the body, tricking it into slowing down and getting sleepy.
Jamie says
Yeah, for sure. Unfortunately all the husbands have busy schedules right now (one works at night as a pro poker player, one is doing football reffing on the side after his day job and the other isn’t home til 8 every night…Will is pretty normal schedule haha). BUT hopefully it will happen soon. Hopefully we will be able to get it together soon! Seems like we can’t ever coordinate ALL of us being there…so much going on. Hopefully in the winter we will all be less busy.
Ooh must look up City of Brass!
I’ve been trying to do the no screen thing…and hot tea. Let’s hope if I make it a habit/routine it will signal bedtime…I mean that works for Riley (bath, bottle, book, song, bed. She knows it is time) so maybe for me haha. You would think how exhausted I am from waking up in the middle of the night I would have no prob going to sleep lol
Sarah says
If you need help with URLs/names/etc. I would be happy to help out. Just let me know!
Jamie says
I’ve paid for the domain for the blog idea for YEARS because I kept trying to decide if I wanted to juggle two blogs or just move to that one….and just never did anything with it. Thanks for your offer <3
megan says
I’m impressed you are reading at all with little baby. I’m pretty sure I didn’t read anything until my daughter was over a year. Are you home with her now?
Jamie says
I honestly have been reading this book for over a month because of the time factor haha. Nope…went back to work mid-September but I nanny so I take her with me!
Charlene says
I definitely understand! I had my son in December, had to be induced as well AND had to have a C-section in the end, and the recovery was just as long. And even though he’s almost 11 months old, I still struggle with wanting to be his mom and wanting to be my old self again. I actually started a YouTube channel this year just to give me a place to talk about things other than my son and adjusting, and meet some new people who I could connect with over books, since I have so few people in my life who read. I believe we’ll all get there, it just takes a lot longer than we want it to. Good luck!
Jamie says
Ugh my sister had C-sections for all her babies and that recovery is tough in its own way! It’s nice (idk if that’s the word I’m looking for?) that I’m not the only one who is having this struggle bc sometimes I feel like it’s something wrong with ME that I’m like selfish or something for missing my old life/self…even though I’m obsessed with her and love her to pieces and love so many aspects of my new life. I think we need to be gentle with ourselves for sure! It’s one of the hugest life transitions we could go through! It’s bound to take a while..and I’m sure at each stage the struggle will change! WE GOT THIS. Def going to check out your channel!
India says
You say “you think you missed your calling in life” but maybe being a mother is part of your calling? Like, maybe you’re totally within your calling right now being a mommy, and that’s great 🙂
Nicole @ Nicole's Novel Reads says
I hope you are enjoying They Both Die At The End. It’s a very unique book and I enjoyed it a lot. I am hoping you are enjoying quality time with little Riley and I look forward to the re-branding of your blog to read more about your lifestyle. One of the books that I enjoyed reading recently is The Rules of Magic by Alice Hoffman. It’s the prequel to Practical Magic.
Jamie says
I finished it and loved it!! So much to think about! And I certainly am enjoying my time with her…she’s such a happy baby who makes my heart melt with her smiles.
I have been meaning to Practical Magic forever!!!
Lisa @ Reading, Writing, and Random Musings says
Although it wasn’t a miracle cure, I Can Make You Sleep did help me to improve my overall sleep habits. It gives you a whole variety of suggestions, from practical to new-agey. Maybe something will help a little bit?
Jamie says
Ooh must check that out!! Thank you!! It’s a terrible cycle…I can’t sleep and then I obsess over the fact I can’t sleep which leads to even less sleep lol
Miss Faith says
If we were having coffee I’d tell you how much I’m struggling with life and balancing out what is happening around me.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you how I wish I was more outgoing and took risks.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you to pick up The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma, it’s my all time favorite and a joy to read.
Jamie says
Ugh balancing life is so hard sometimes! *hugs* I’d ask you specifically what you were havnig a hard time balancing and try to help! 🙂
Re: being more outgoing and taking risks….this has been me (not so much the outgoing thing..but taking risks) at different points in my life. Some fictional inspiration I can recommend: Just One Day by Gayle Forman and They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera. Just One Day set the ball in motion for huge changes in my life…dropping some toxic people and taking risks I would have never before. For me, it was helpful to set little goals. Like I wanted to meet new friends a couple years ago but I’m not good at putting myself out there with new people even though I’m very social…so I joined Meetup and went to a group for 20/30’s ladies and told myself I could never do it again if it was terrible…like I could even get up and pretend to go to the bathroom (and leave money for my meal at the front lol) and leave if it was awful. Needless to say I had a GREAT TIME and through that group my best friends and now our husbands our friends and we all weirdly had babies around the same time. I’m so happy I put myself out there even if a Meetup where I knew NOBODY was not my style at all. So for you…maybe make a goal of signing up for meetup or a book club at your library. Maybe bring a friend or family member and go. Or maybe it’s as small as saying hi to someone or making small talk one day with a stranger. Putting yourself out there is SO SO SO hard..but I’ve found that the careful risks I’ve taken have paid off and have helped me take more! I still struggle but I’m getting better always!
Have not heard of this book but I must check it out!!
Miss Faith says
I’ll definitely pick this up and make it a habit. Thank you! 🙂