How Would You Choose To Spend Your Last Day?

Credit: Katie Daisy

All through my life I’ve been super aware that every day absolutely could be my last, that tomorrow is not guaranteed, that we never know which moment it could all come to an end. I’ve carried sentiments with me like “live like you were dying!” or “live every moment like it was your last” or “make the most out of every moment and live fully” etc. etc. etc. Or a personal favorite is the quote above!

But actually LIVING like that? It goes something like this:

Something, normally a terrible tragedy or a in-your-face reminder, waves my mortality in my face. I vow to live my life fully…like I was dying…like EVERY LAST MOMENT IS MY FREAKING LAST. And that might last for a couple days and then I’m back to life on auto-pilot. Frittering those moments away. Maybe I’m scrolling endlessly through things I don’t care about on Facebook for more time than I’d like to admit. Or just laying down being pissed off and grumpy about something I can’t control. Most of the frittering I think of in my head are NOT exactly things I’d want to have done if it was my last day on Earth.

BUT WHY IS IT SO HARD?

Maybe it’s because we literally have no idea what moment is going to be our last so our days seem endless and undefined. Or that we cannot fathom ceasing to be? So we push our mortality away in the stream of day to day until something forces it in front of us.

But what if you got a heads up? Would it change things?

That’s the premise of an amazing book I read recently — They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera.

It’s set in an alternate version of our reality in that a service, called Death Cast, knows when you are going to die and they call and give you a heads up on the day you are going to die. So you still have no idea what moment is going to be but you literally know you are going to die on this day.

I found the concept to be interesting because I’ve always thought “I wish I could just know” but also I don’t think I would want to know?? And if you knew that it was the day you were going to die…I don’t know if that would be freeing and I’d want to live it up or if I’d want to curl into a ball just terrified death was lurking around every corner — which is pretty much the dilemma of one of the main characters.

He has been pretty play-it-safe his whole life because he’s terrified of death and so he tries to minimize risk. BUT HE GETS THE CALL. So…seize the day and all that! Make up for lost time! But it proves to be harder than he imagines but also easier with the help of a new friend he makes who also got the call.

I really loved the book — it was beautifully written, I loved the characters, it made me cry like a baby and mostly it made me think.

Like why is it so hard to take advantage of all the moments I get? Why do I take them forgranted? And also like what does that EVEN MEAN? Because sometimes I feel like it means that I need to be taking adventures constantly and having fun 24/7 and always enjoying everything but also that feels super not realistic to me? Maybe it’s enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book..something I truly enjoy. And it’s probably different for everyone…what makes you feel full and like you really ~lived~ in that moment.

A lot of the businesses in the book that catered to “Deckers”, those who get the call, all seem to be about simulating the big things in a safe environment — skydiving, seeing the world in like 20 minutes, thrill seeking adventures, etc. But I loved that in the book that some of the most full moments the two main characters were small and maybe seemingly insignificant on any other day.

And maybe that’s what it is — maybe living fully is full of those small and big moments. I mean, if it were my last day, sure I’d want to do something big I’ve always wanted to do, but I’m sure I’d also want to be spending it with those I love doing the things that bring me joy on a day-to-day basis when I’m not doing something “big”.

I don’t know what the point of this post was now that I just word vomited all that out. I guess I just wanted to share how

I feel like I want to figure out a daily way to remind myself to “live fully” in whatever capacity it means for that day. To enjoy and savor the moments. To not feel like I wasted a day if it doesn’t seem like I did anything when in reality maybe I relaxed and spent little moments with Will and Riley. But I also took away from reading the book that maybe I’ve been living too safe sometimes. And I’d like to learn how to take more risks and to minimize the things that I AM truly wasting time on. Because there are things I could totally do less of and then make room for things that truly make me feel like I’ve spent my day more fully. I don’t want to put everything off to do in some distant future that is not guaranteed.  I don’t want to only be reminded that the time I have is precious only when something terrible happens to remind me of that fact.

As a sidenote: I’ve noticed since having Riley that when she is awake it’s really easy to put away my phone and enjoy all the little moments with her. Seeing life through her eyes, man, it makes everything so much more fun.

ANYWAYS….go read They Both Die At The End! It’s great! Maybe it will inspire you like it did me!

Thoughts on living fully/like every day is your last? What does it mean to you? How do you remind yourself to do it? Have you read They Both Die At The End? What did you think??

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