I saw a life coach I love, Ashley, do a post entitled If We Were Having Coffee and I decided to take her lead and do one myself in November 2013 because I loved it and sometimes I feel like we forget that there is a whole life behind the people that write and read blogs. I got such a great response to my initial post so I made it a reoccurring thing for the past couple of years and do it when I feel so inclined!
Grab your coffee/beverage of your choice and meet me for a chat. Currently I am drinking a beer ( a coffee stout from a local brewery)…while watching the Superbowl.
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’m currently reading The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte (still finishing it up for my goal for January). I so want to get her beautiful planner now! I’d ask what you are reading.
If we were having coffee.…I’d tell you that my heart is so heavy right now. A person who used to be part of with 10+ years ago in high school and college is dying. Like any day now. They (I’ve known them since before they even started dating) found out that he had an aggressive cancer last year. The wife was due a month before I was and my heart ACHED…for them and just imagining going through that while having this new baby coming in a few months. And things took a turn in January and it’s any day now. I’ve lost touch with them since then and I’m finding it to be a bizarre feeling to be grieving someone who you haven’t talked to in so long but feeling it so strongly because of how important they were.
If we were having coffee.…I’d tell you that, speaking of death (omg I promise this whole post won’t be a bummer), I think about it EVEN MORE after having Riley. I feel a lot more empathy for what my mom must have been going through when she was losing her battle with cancer. I was so focused on ME and how I was feeling I never really thought how it must be for her. Plus I wasn’t a parent then obviously. It pains me so much to think about something happening to me and leaving her. It was really bugging me so much that I decided I’m going to start a new thing where I write letters to her that she can have when she’s older or if something should happen to me. There’s so much I don’t know about my mom having lost her at 21 and I wish I could know things about her. I want Riley to know things…to know me. I never knew what made my mom tick, like for real, because we never got to have a relationship as adults. She got sick when I was 18 and the years leading up to that were those cliched teenage “I hate my parents” years where I wanted NOTHING to do with her.
If we were having coffee…. I’d tell you, as I mentioned in my January Recap, that I’m really proud of myself! I’m not a live-or-die by my blog traffic kind of person but I DO look at it and in January I had the highest traffic I’ve had since 2012 when I went mega viral on Pinterest for the first time (literally getting 10,000 visits A DAY). This wasn’t quite up to that level but it definitely awesome considering I don’t have as much time to put into the blog but the time I do have I’ve been working by butt off to get it done. I really am proud of myself and I almost didn’t write about this because I feel like sometimes people act like we shouldn’t be proud of ourselves or talk about our blog traffic as something we care about (care, not obsess over). I am juggling so much more now and I am DAMN proud of writing things that apparently interest people. There, I said it. I’d ask you what’s something YOU are apologetically proud of right now!
If we were having coffee…. I’d tell you, on the topic of time, I’m struggling with having less of it. Like WHAT DID I DO WITH ALL MY FREE TIME BEFORE HAVING RILEY? It makes me a little pissed at myself for not using it better because HERE WE ARE with less time and I have more ideas and ambitions and things I want to accomplish then ever. But my time revolves around Riley’s schedule….and that’s hard. I was crying in the shower the other day because I just was so tired after staying up WAY too late to do things and I felt like I got nothing accomplished. I KNOW THIS IS JUST A SEASON (one of my life lessons lately) but I’ve always been kind of stingy with my time…and I can’t be now.
If we were having coffee… I’d tell you that one of the areas I’ve been FAILING at when it comes to my goals is working out. AGAIN….I have 50% less time so those slices of things I need to do are smaller. And working out has been the thing to go. I really DON’T have that much time but I do feel like I’m 1) making excuses and 2) not using the time I have wisely as Will pointed out the other day after I spent 30 minutes down a rabbit hole of Facebook sleuthing finding out a couple I knew from college (barely acquaintances to me) totally got divorced and she got remarried and beat cancer (LOOKS LIKE THINGS ENDED DURING THAT TIME) and I’m happy for her because he was a shithead honestly. <——- This is what I’m talking about. I could have been working out for those 20 minutes instead. I’d ask you for your tips on using your time more wisely! Also, am I the only one who ends up down random rabbit holes
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that we are going to Disney in November and I’m SUPER EXCITED. My stepdad is taking us/my sister’s crew and, even though Riley is going to be super young, I’m still so excited because we are going to be renting a house and my aunt and uncle who live in Tampa are going to be joining us! I haven’t been to Disney since I was a little girl and I’m so excited but also intimidated because I feel like taking a trip to Disney now is like a SKILL…I keep reading all these things and there are like DISNEY PLANNERS…people who just plan your trip for you. I kinda just thought you went, bought your tickets and did all the things but I was suuuuper naive.
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’m doing something I’ve never done on the blog before (I talked about it in my January Recap) but I’m doing a Q&A. I don’t know why I’ve never done this but you can ask me LITERALLY anything and I will most likely answer. Check it out!
If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’ve been slowly but surely adding things and taking away things to the site to reflect the changes I’ve slowly making on the blog. I added this page which I’m excited to keep working on! Is there anything, when you visit, that you wish you’d see or that would be helpful to you? Let me know!
If we were having coffee…what would you tell me? Come on…lay it all out! It’s just you, me, the pleasant sounds of a cafe…and maybe some other eyes in the comment section but NBD right?? Our we can have coffee in my inbox if you don’t feel comfortable. I really want to know! What’s going on with you?
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Emmah says
I just finished reading “Half-Blood Dragon” by: K.N. Lee! It was pretty good.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend from high school ❤ I hope he finds peace soon, even though it’ll be hard on his family and friends. Hate to see people suffer.
Those letters to Riley seem like such a good idea! Would Will b up to doing them too? That’d be cool!
We always want to do things when we can’t. It SUCKS. I feel ya with the being stingey with your time, because I’m the same way. I’ve never even had a bf (or been kissed) and I honestly (most of the time) couldn’t care less, because I like my ME time too much.
You’re not the only one that ends up down random rabbit holes haha. I don’t have kids, but Harry Judd does and he’s SUPER into exercising. His little ones are 2 (Lola) and a few months old (Kit). He wrote a book called Get Fit, Get Happy if you want to check it out 😊
Ahh you’re so lucky you’re going to Disney World!! I’ve only been once and I was 13! When in November are you going? We went right after Thanksgiving and it was one of the least busy times.
If you have time, you should check out the Netflix show One Day At A Time! I binged it in 3 days. It’s currently only 26 episodes that are 28 mins a piece!
Nikki says
I have my own Rylie just spelled a little differently. The first year I didn’t feel like I had any free time at all once I went back to work. I was working, in grad school, and helping with my grandpa on top of having a new baby. Now she’s a bit more independent. She still wants to be near me at all times, lol, but she “helps” me when I clean and she’s a little side kick now. I’ve finished grad school and my grandpa passed away lasts May and I had to learn to adjust to having MORE time. You really do have to give it some time.
Jessica says
The letters to Riley sounds like such a sweet idea and I think she’ll appreciate them when she’s older. Congrats on increased blog traffic and Disney World! Disney is such a fun place and definitely one of my favorite places to go.
For me, I have extensions on my browsers that limit my social media/YT habits to 20 minutes daily because both are such rabbit holes for me. Something else I’m trying out is the Pomodoro technique which is cycles of 25 minutes of work with 5 minutes break and then 15-30 min break after 4 cycles of 25 minutes and 5 minutes (the Focus Keeper app follows this technique if you want an app that does it for you).
La La in the Library says
Ugh, I got caught up in that “talking about good stats is bragging” BS on Twitter last week. The post that made everyone uppity was a how-to post about getting more blog traffic and the screen shot the blogger used was actually from another pretty big blog’s discussion post about getting more views. I said that if I was going to follow someones advice I certainly want to know that it works and want to see their stats. The girl who was complaining the loudest is always talking about how much she watches television and that she plays SIMs way too much and I wanted to tell her that that was probably her biggest problem with her blog. I tweeted that when I see bloggers with better stats, to me that’s a goal. 😛
I am going to be retiring soon, so I decided to pick my music career back up to make some extra fun money playing in bars with my friends, and having to take time out to practice is what showed me the amount of time I was spending on my blog and the social media associated with it. It’s a crazy amount of time! My blog views have gone down a lot because I chose to cut down on social media instead of blog posts. So if you find some good time savers, let me know. 😊
Give Riley a hug for me. 💜
Lauren @ Bookmark Lit says
I’m so glad that you had a great response in January because I have been loving your new posts! I think it’s important to write about things you’re passionate about instead of just letting creativity run dry, when all you talk about is books. Some people can make that work but I can’t anymore! I love to write more personal/lifestyle-oriented things. I’m glad your blogging shift is paying off with more views!!
I’m currently reading TRULY DEVIOUS by Maureen Johnson and it’s soooo good. I just want to sit around and read it all day.
I’m loling about your rabbit hole because I totally do the same thing all the time. It’s NOT important but I get so determined to find something or get to the bottom of someone’s breakup for noooo reason. There was a girl I knew from the town I used to live in (until I was like 9 years old) and I knew she was dating someone, was engaged for a while, and suddenly she had a new boyfriend instead! I tried so hard to get more information lololol.
I AM SO JEALOUS OF DISNEY. I want to go so badly but Chris doesn’t care too much / we’re prioritizing new places instead of somewhere we’ve both been twice before. I went once when I was 8 and again when I was 15 so I’m like due for an adult vaca there. I think I can convince him about an ORLANDO trip where we do like 1-2 days of Disney and 1-2 days of Universal instead.
Annemieke says
Oh yeah working out… I need to lose weight, badly, but I can’t get myself motivated. Like I’d just rather read and blog now he still naps, haha. But hugs, even if you know this is just seasons, doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to feel those things and need to let it out now and then. <3
Melissa @ Writer Grrl Reads says
I love the idea of writing letters! I remember hearing somewhere that someone had opened a gmail in her daughter’s name, because then her email address was reserved (assuming we’re still using gmail at that time!) and she’d send the letters to that email address. I thought that was a cute idea.
Also, ohhhhh rabbit holes! You’re not alone, trust me! I know winter is tough, it get outside with Riley in a stroller and walk and walk and walk. I weighed less at the end of my mat leave than I do now, just from walking! But I feel ya on making time — I’m trying to make yoga a daily thing, but then I got sick and fell off the wagon. But WE CAN DO IT! My struggle is that I work in an office, so I’m sitting for so much of the day.
Dina says
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I enjoyed that book by Danielle LaPorte and that I have her other two books still unread. I need to catch up, because I find her tone really helpful. Gentle, but still urgent. I’d tell you that using the pomodoro technique has been helping me manage my time a little better. I would tell you that writing letters sounds like a wonderful idea for your baby. She will appreciate them later on in life, for sure. It took me ages to connect with my mom, after many years of therapy and conscious awareness of how we slip into negative communication.
As for exercise, I have totally fallen off that bandwagon ages ago. I’d tell you that what helps is to do fun things, like, yoga or walks, or maybe even dance. There are these awesome 10 minute exercise DVDs that I used to do between tasks. I gained quite a bit of weight, so my next thing is to try walking every day, and maybe do yoga or Pilates to challenge my muscles.
I totally missed your blog in 2012, because I was not really blogging regularly or anything like that. But, I am glad I read your work now. You are lovely. Thanks for the coffee.
Hugs,
Dina
megan says
If we were having coffee, I’d share the cookie I ordered from your niece and tell how easy it was to order online and how fast they shipped! I don’t have any Girl Scouts in my life and don’t we all need thin mints?
I’d also tell you that I taught aerobics 3x/week until I was 8 months pregnant and then didn’t exercise regularly until my baby started 2nd grade. I took a little too much time off from the gym (I also was in grad school and working) but Policing time isn’t going to help get you back to the gym. I decided to be kind to myself and allow me to not “have it all together.” Momming + working means other things have to go and those other things don’t have to be Facebook rabbit holes. Those are important for brain breaks. Riley won’t be little for long and then you’ll have more time and brain space for the gym. PS- she’s real cute. I love her headband collection.
I’m reading Little Fires Everywhere. It’s written in a way that feels like a fast read but also not. It’s taking me forever to finish because I’m also supposed to be writing my dissertation proposal. Hmmm, this comment may be my version of a Facebook rabbit hole. 🙂
Bonnie, adhdhomeschooled says
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you, I quit my job because I was tired of being disrespected by people who didn’t give a rat’s butt about me or my family. I’d tell you I don’t feel bad about it either and I enjoy being at home in my office at my desk at my computer I paid for. If we were having coffee I’d tell you I just started watching This Is Us and I’m becoming obsessed with it even though I just finished the second episode of season 1. If we were having coffee I’d tell you I just received some missing money from a house I used to own and I’m going to invest it in a proofreading course so I can earn a living on my own terms. I’d tell you I don’t have time to read anything right now and my 6-year-old son prefers listening to stories on my phone over my reading. If we were having coffee I’d tell you I love this idea and will be stealing it for my own blog. If we were having coffee I’d tell you I’m not afraid right now even though I know nothing is guaranteed especially the success of my starting my own business online or profiting from my blog. If we were having coffee I’d tell you I wish I could hit the pause button and go visit some friends I haven’t seen in a long time. I want to go by myself without the husband and kids because I need to just be Bonnie, not mom or babe.
Tizzy Brown says
So sorry about your friend 🙁 I can totally relate to thinking more about death since having a child, it’s definitely in my mind a little more now. I know I need to get around to writing my will just in case. Instead of writing my daughter letters, I have a private blog that I’ve been writing since I was pregnant which has become a combination of a diary and a baby book to record her memories. I’m going to let her have access to it when she’s eighteen! Hope you enjoy your trip to Disneyland. The idea of ‘Disney planners’ is just bizarre to me.
Hayley @ Bookblogher says
Oh my gosh have so much fun at Disney!! I think however you decide to do it will make it wonderful. I’m excited for you! I also struggle with time management and I definitely don’t always spend time the way I want to. I think there’s a few things that help me. My phone doesn’t have a lot of space on it, so I don’t really have apps on it. I frequently end up deleting Facebook for the space haha. It helps me not waste general time just scrolling on my phone. I also started bullet journaling recently. One of the things I use is a daily tracker, so I have certain tasks I want to get done. If I don’t get to cross out those tasks I get irritated with myself. So I try to remind myself that the internet will always be around! I can take the time to read or to exercise. Good luck! It’s hard!
Emmanuelle says
This is a really nice post. I like the idea! I am sorry fro your friend… If we were having coffee I would tell you that there is so much on my mond actually that I just don’t know where to begin.
Vi says
I LOVE this concept!! I may have to try it myself one day. I’m sorry about the friend situation. It’s strange when you’re no longer in someone’s life, but your heart is still connected to them. Much love.
Lisa @ Reading, Writing, and Random Musings says
If we were having coffee, I’d remind you to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes we need to fall down a rabbit hole to just relax and not think too hard for a little while. Self care can look differently on different days depending on how life is going.
Jamie says
You are totally right! <3 Thank you for that reminder!
Wendy says
Girl, this blog post is beautiful! first, I am so sorry for your friend in the battle of cancer. I can not even begin to imagine. I will say that I relate with you when it comes to those things kind of affecting us mentally. When I hear about deaths or anything close to that, my mindset scrambles and has a hard time wrapping my head around the idea. Congrats on going viral on Pinterest, that is something to surely celebrate! I love your content and what your blog is about. it is very different from the rest. Stay that way!! Loved that we are connecting on Instagram, lets stay in touch! —Wendy with @lovinglybold
Emma @ Miss Print says
I don’t think I ever mentioned it to you but these posts were one of the contributing factors that inspired me to start doing weekly review posts on my own blog. I’m not really a journal person and never have been but I find taking the time to just talk (even into the void of a weekly post with no comments) is incredibly helpful.
Right now I’m reading Legendary by Stephanie Garber and I still can’t believe I have an early copy. Super exciting. But I have some work reading I can’t really talk about so I have had to focus more on that lately instead and I’m feeling kind of behind as a result.
Because of my commute I have had to get up a half hour earlier and I’m still so mad about it. I want to fit so many things into a day and it’s been really hard to do any of it the last few weeks. I have started one of those weird bullet journal grids to track habits. I am not sure but I think it’s helping me stay a bit on track. Maybe?