My Gratitude Is Overflowing This Year

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”  —Winnie-the-Pooh

Happy Thanksgiving to all my US readers! I am WAY more excited about this Thanksgiving than I was last year. Last year I had the most horrible morning sickness and basically wanted to puke all day and I only ate 3 bites of mashed potatoes…and pretzels. NOT HOW I LIKE TO SPEND MY THANKSGIVING.

I have so, so much to be thankful for this year. SO MUCH. I feel like I talk about what I’m grateful/thankful for every year and I truly MEANT it. And I know every year it sounds like a broken record, always the same things, but this year I feel like I truly understand what real gratitude looks like. I am overflowing in gratitude this year after everything I went through. So, this list on the outside, might look the same as every other year but I feel this gratitude in my bones this year.

1. My precious perfect baby who is healthy and happy

Motherhood is…wow. But I just love Riley so, so much and am so grateful for her. I love watching her personality develop and watching her learn all about the world.

2. My patient husband who works so hard and loves Riley & I so much

Throughout the worst of my postpartum depression I would cry and cry because I was certain that Will was going to leave me. Me being basically a mess put a lot of the weight on his shoulders and it was HARD. I could see it. Especially when he returned to work. But he was patient and loving and waited for me to become me again. He didn’t complain about having to take on most of the load for those couple weeks. Labor and then the weeks after definitely brought us closer together. He’s always supported me in everything and I’m so, so lucky. I LOVE LOVE watching him with Riley. He’s such a good dad and he works so, so hard to provide.

3. For my family who truly showed me how much they love us during this hard time

For those first few weeks I was in such a bad place…and my family really swooped in because we needed help big time. I refused to be alone with Riley when Will went back to work and he obviously couldn’t stay home. Immediately after I came home from the hospital my aunt and grandmother (who were in from Florida) watched Riley so we could sleep, cooked and cleaned, my aunt even rubbed my swollen feet…and as a nurse she did a whooooole lot of other things that are way too TMI to share but let me tell you…I am so thankful for her being her because my recovery was wicked). My family brought meals and tried to help me with anything I needed help with. My stepmom took a week off of work and stayed with us that first week Will went back to work. My sister and brother-in-law took turns staying with us (meaning juggling their kids to do this). Then Will’s mom came almost every day for a couple weeks while Will was at work as I was starting to get better. I am so, so lucky for my family.

4. My friends who are like family

My bffs are nothing short of amazing. I love this group of ladies like no other and could not have gotten through pregnancy and those first rough weeks without them. They showed up (2 of them having very young babies themselves..one a week older than Riley) — they brought food, they answered all my manic texts at 3am, they made sure I was okay, they had Amazon care packages sent to me, they lovingly told me they were worried about me. I literally don’t know what I would do without this group of girls. And huge shoutout to my bffs I’ve met through blogging — even though they were far away…I could not have managed without their wisdom and support and again urging me to get help. I am so lucky to be on this motherhood journey with some amazing ladies in my corner. I don’t know how I’d do this mom thing without them all.

5.  I’m grateful that I was able to get help in dealing with my PPD and anxiety

This was one of the hardest and scariest things of my life to be honest. I can’t describe what it felt like but I can tell you it felt like I was never going to feel good or normal again. I’m glad I was able to recognize what I was feeling was not normal and that I had supportive friends/family that cared enough to also tell me that. I was telling a friend the other day I feel like this was even harder than losing my mom which I know sounds weird but this was supposed to be a joyful time and I was anything but. I felt so alone and at least when I grieved my mom everyone understood and I felt like what I was feeling was normal. I feel like myself again and have for a couple months. I am SO grateful for this. I’m grateful I can enjoy this time with Riley. My OB was great in dealing with me and gave me a lot of tough love. Even though I was super resistant about taking meds (I literally don’t take anything even when I have the flu) I’m glad she helped me to see that I really needed to and supports my plan to wean off them at 6 months postpartum.

6. I’m grateful for a job that I get to spend my day with Riley

I nanny, as you may well know, and that family has become my family over the years. The boys were among the first to know when I was pregnant and they were with me every step of it. It’s really hard to juggle her and them and it isn’t always ideal but I am truly grateful for having a job where I get to spend time with her. This week Will was off and she stayed home with him and it made me so sad how little I saw her. Maybe it’s just that I’m so used to being with her so much but I really hated the days without her.

These boys are obsessed with her

7. I’m grateful for this space here on the Internet

I’m grateful that I’ve had this space here as an outlet since 2010. I’m grateful for readers who have become friends. I’m thankful for all your feedback and encouragement and listening to all the things I have to say about books and life and everything in between. I’m thankful for YOU sharing so much of yourselves with me just as much as I share myself with you. I’m grateful that most seem pretty receptive to how my blog has evolved over the years (and especially lately) and I’m grateful still for those past readers who moved on…that’s okay!

And some less serious gratitude notes:

• very grateful for the million books and websites about baby sleep that have helped me (also overwhelmed me) in getting to a pretty good place with Riley’s sleep
• very thankful for my new car that I bought in the Spring and FORGOT IT HAD HEATED SEATS UNTIL A VERY COLD MORNING THIS FALL. Very, very thankful.
• thankful for caffeine in the form of coffee….I literally run on coffee these days.
• grateful that Finn has adapted well to having a little sister (okay that one is less frivolous but I really am grateful for it)
• I’m thankful that I can fit into some of my clothes again (my maternity wardrobe was sparse and was getting VERY old)
• I’m thankful for the fact that when I can’t fall asleep after feeding Riley that THE INTERNET IS ALWAYS THERE.

I’m sure you’ve seen a million of these posts today and clicked out of them…so if you have read this whole thing I am VERY grateful for that. I feel the need to be loud about my gratitude this year. I’d love to know what YOU are grateful for this year!