(OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS POST IS)
I’m not going to lie. My head has been in a weird space lately with blogging. I’ve had this blog for over 5 1/2 years and I’ve blogged with regularity — going through the normal slumps like anyone else or just little life things (aka wedding planning back in 2012) getting in the way here and there. I take time away when I need it (big proponent of blogging breaks!) and honestly even when I don’t I schedule mini vacations for myself. I reevaluate yearly (or more) so that I’m always keeping this blog fun for me. I still always have a steadily flowing fountain of ideas even after all this time. I still *love* this blog.
But something has felt off about the whole experience lately.
One of those things I think is relatively easy for me to fix and it’s been something I’ve thought about for a long time — probably more on that soon when I can pin down exactly what I want to do. (Funny thing is I hinted about this YEARS ago on this blog…and then just timing and me flip flopping about it and not being able to have a CLEAR vision for it made it never happen). But even when I THINK about this other way of kicking that “off” feeling out of here….there’s always this other thing.
The other thing is that I think I feel a little bit disillusioned/exhausted/jaded by social media lately which definitely does affect the blogging process. I could write a whole post just about how I feel about social media lately but maybe some other time. It’s just that I can identify this as part of that “off” feeling lately.
There are days that I honestly just imagine walking away from it all. Like, I can picture it so clearly in my head. Closing up shop with a CLOSED sign and all. No more worrying about keeping up with a blog or the blogosphere. No more worrying about keeping up with social media (which sometimes makes me actually feel decidedly less connected than it used to). No more putting myself out there for the internet. No extra responsibilities. No never-ending blog to-do list. I could find a less time consuming hobby even! I could have more time to Be Productive without Twitter or bookstagram. I could go on with all the things I wouldn’t “need” to do anymore. Ah, sweet freedom. Right? ….Right?
And then the next second I’m like, “WHAT NO?” “I LOVE BLOGGING, EVEN THE BLAH THINGS, I AM BEING SILLY.” “And really…could I be a person who doesn’t write on the internet anymore? A person who doesn’t chronicle her life and connect with others on the internet?“ And the thing is I really don’t know so I tried to really do some soul searching about the answer to that lately. (I mean, obviously the serious answer to that is YES. I physically could be that person. There was a time before the internet that I was that person).
I’ve always chronicled my life since I could remember. I’ve written in journals since I could write. I mean, literally my first diary (with a really shitty lock you didn’t even need a key to break open) was from elementary school and I wrote things like “Melissa was mean to me today. I played with Carmen today.”
Then I moved on to writing letters to pen pals all over the world which was even better than writing in my diary. I loved connecting and meeting people and sharing in life with people. After that it was all about the internet with a website called FreeOpenDiary (is it even around anymore?) and then Xanga and Myspace. And then it was this blog when I started it in 2010.
Here’s the thing: I have always loved writing. I love working through things when I write. I love the feeling I get when I let my caged thoughts out to roam. It’s been freeing and I love being able to chronicle my life through the ups and the downs and the things I learn and the things I’m still learning. It’s been a lifeline for me.
When I wrote with pen pals I loved the idea of writing to someone and them writing back. I loved learning about people. I loved sharing things experiences and stories and feeling heard and understood because it was different than a conversation — I could let all my thoughts flow free and then receive a response. I loved having someone in my corner cheering for me, offering advice, making me not feel so alone. Feeling validated in a way too if I’m honest?
Writing online was the same way for me. I felt validated and heard and supported and free to share the things bouncing around in my head. This blog brought that feeling to new heights. I can’t even tell you the ways I’ve connected with people or the conversations that have been had– over books, the things that books makes us feel and think about and the numerous of life things I’ve chronicled on this blog. Sometimes the validation part gets sticky with the internet because it’s easy to wrap your worth up in it but there always has been this more pure side of validation/approval/affirmation that mattered to me that wasn’t about likes or a # of comments or what have you.
When I sit down to write a blog post I feel transported back to the way I did when I’d sit on my bed with my gel pen and my super cuuuuute stationary. I write as if you all are my pen pals of sort. Sometimes we talk about books or hot dudes in tv shows or the shitstorms of life but I genuinely care about your lives and I enjoy talking with you about all the things. I love the sharing of stories and experiences we’ve done so much of over the years. And time after time, the reason and the why of why I blog gets reaffirmed — like this one time for example.
So, I guess, I’m taking my own advice right now. I always tell people when they are having an existential blogging crisis to think about why they began their blog in the first place, how it’s evolved and where they envision it. Sure, I started this blog because I wanted to find other book lovers out there because I didn’t have many in my own life around me (plus I wanted to have fun/have a creative outlet). But, if I dig beyond the surface a little further, it’s also because I want to connect with people and have a real conversation whether it is serious or delightfully frivolous or over a book recommendation, chronicle my life & try to make sense of it, to feel heard and understood, etc. I think books were a natural way to do that for me. Books and stories have a way of connecting people and are a good starting off point for a conversation.
So that’s where I’m at right now. This is a post that wasn’t ever supposed to be a post but I tried to work through it so many times with Will (who is not at all like me when it comes to writing and the Internet so he doesn’t always get it) and finally he’s just like, “why don’t you just write about it on your blog?” I always try to be real with you guys so I figured…sure why not…even if I come off looking like a hot mess or an overthinker.
I guess right now I’m thinking about its evolution these past 5 1/2 years and where I see it going now that I’ve thought beyond my “I wanted to talk about books and find new books to read” reason for why I started this blog. The books brought me here but the connection and the storytelling and the shared experiences made me stay for so long when I think about it. I guess I have to figure out what that all means for me in relation to the other things that have made me feel “off” lately because I don’t think this is one of those typical blogging slumps that are normal or “blogger burnout” because I don’t experience that anymore because I just don’t let myself get to that point after all these years of figuring out my style of blogging and what works for me.
Soooo…stay tuned. I’ll still be here because it’s not for lack of ideas or things to write about but behind the scenes I’m just going to be working out some things blog-wise and ME wise. My passion for this blog and everything I write on here is still here in ways (or else I wouldn’t write on it at all because forced posts = no fun for me or you) but it’s not all unicorns and glitter right now is what I’m saying but I’m hopeful that I’ll figure it out….whatever it is.
Kate Marie says
Maybe I’m way off base, but from reading this post it sounds like you know exactly what you’re missing. All I see in your post is a desire for human connection, friendship, discussion & conversation, etc. It sounds like your blog and social media aren’t helping you get that the way you want them to. If that’s the case, I would think about branching out and trying new things. When is the last time you had a Google hangout with your bookish friends, for example? Or have you ever tried out periscope to see if you like the interactions it brings?
I’m pretty new to the blogosphere (And have been slacking on my posts for the past two weeks, oops), but I already find traditional social media like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, still somehow lacking in really connecting me to other people. It’s hard to form new relationships or maintain old ones via 140 character tweets that, frequently, are not responded to in real time. For me I find it much more rewarding to have either A) longer messages (eg this blog post, pen pals, even email) or B) Real time messages (Video chat of some sort, live Twitter convos, live DMs). As cool as Twitter chats are for blog hopping I don’t find them that great for genuinely making new friends due to volume of people and the platforms limits.
Side note, how awesome would a pen pal network of bloggers be? I’d have an excuse to break out the good stationary I’ve been hoarding away for years, waiting for an excuse to be used.
Jamie says
Well, I think more so it’s not that all of that is MISSING per se (though I think it happens less than it used to back in the “good ol’ days” of blogging for me haha) but I think in this post it just got me back to the whys of why I blog. Which I already knew but needed to be reaffirmed. I think that it’s a good place for me to look at, knowing that’s what I care most about, where I need to go in the future. Maybe it’s still book blogging but I figure a way to make those things happen in a better way, as you said, like they used to (it’s hard bc some of it really is just community trends that have evolved in all these years that I can’t really help) or maybe I need to move on with the project I’ve been meaning to which could fulfill those things or maybe I just need to be done with blogging and find another outlet that would fulfill those things. I think when I always thought about “why do I blog?” it was always “because I want to talk about book” but digging deeper I see my life long need for all those things is what also brought me here — so whether it’s book blogging or something else, at least I know what I truly desire.
It’s interesting because back when I first started I found Twitter (there was no Instagram) to be the place where I really connected with people in blogging. I met some of my absolute best friends that way through convos on Twitter which obviously all moved off to emails/gchat/text. But I think it was also because Twitter back then was MORE conversational…sure we used it to promote our blogs…but it felt more genuinely conversational and less promo-y than it is now. So it really WAS a good place to foster relationships and then you would move them off that to get even deeper. I find it now, as you are saying, really hard for me to forge new relationships on Twitter. Maybe it’s that the community has grown so big! Idk! I’m like you…I really enjoy longer messages and real time like gchat or skype.
Have you seen the OTSPSecretSister project that some fellow bloggers do? It’s sort of a pen pal network! I looooved writing to all my penpals…at one point I had like 50 of them. It was kind of nuts but I loved it. I remember running home from school to get the mail and being so excited for mail!!
Zeee @ I Heart Romance & YA says
Oh no! I’ve a passive/active participant of your blog for a number of years Jamie and I don’t want to see you hang a closed sign! But I totally get where you are coming from. I have had multiple blogs before that have since shut down because I really didn’t have time anymore.
Most of us probably have the same reasons for starting a blog and that’s to connect with other book bloggers. But then, it does become something more.
I understand burnout and just disillusionment with everything and social media. I’m not really as active than mose on Twitter and Instagram, so I’m not at that stage where it’s just too overwhelming OR I see negativity. Mast of my social media experience has been positivity and I’m quite happy with that.
Hope you figure thjngs out, Jamie! *hugs* just know that you are not alone!
Jamie says
Well I’m not leaning towards that or anything! I am just saying that some days I could see so clearly just disappearing from social media and blogging. Idk if I could ACTUALLY do it.
Thanks for your kind words <33
Zeee @ I Heart Romance & YA says
Whew! That’s a relief! We do get those days where we just want to unplug!
Josephine says
Wow, you have been blogging for a very long time! Much more than I have and that is incredible. I’m sure that this feeling, after 5 years is a feeling that is inevitable. It’s hard not to question why you’re doing something after doing it for such a long time but it happens and I think we just need to embrace that.
Because once we learn to embrace that feeling, such as the one you’re having, we allow ourselves to open our minds up to the “why”. Why we feel the way we are feeling and how we can deal with it; what’s missing?
And you got it, girl. Blogging is amazing because, while, after years of doing it you probably lose your initial motivation for doing it – but that doesn’t mean there’s now no motive for you to be blogging; it’s just that your motive has changed! And now it’s more about the connection. The human interaction and the storytelling! Your blog is your own personal book, with the unique touch of other people’s lives upon it too!
This was an absolutely wonderful post!
Jamie says
Yeah definitely! It’s a long time and I mean, naturally, I’m a different person at 30 then I was at 24 when I started this blog. In a way different stage of life! Probably natural to question why I’m doing something still…you are right…I should embrace it. Embrace the fact I’m exploring these questions and feelings. And also I think as I’ve explored them I’ve come to realize some of these feelings are feelings I’m having in other areas of my life — like “what am I doing with my life?” in general right now. So sure some of these feelings are specifically blogging related but they also might be connected to a bigger picture.
Thank you for your really thoughtful comment! Gave me much to think about <33
Tasia says
Your blog is probably my favorite book blog here on the interwebs and I would definitely be sad to see you go! But I also understand how overwhelming this all could be, social media especially. Itʻs funny how something that can seem so insignificant can cause so much annoyance and anxiety. I am all for taking much needed social media (and blogging) breaks. Your main priority should be YOU and your husband and family.
I hope you figure everything out soon! But until then, just remember that youʻve got a whole community of friends and fans right here waiting for you! (At this point, you can start singing Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx).
Jamie says
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! <33
It really is so funny how something like social media and stuff can cause all these feelings for people. I always try to remember how comparatively insignificant it is to other things in life when it starts making me feel anxious/upset etc. I'm like "it's just Twitter!! Will I care about this thing in a month? A year? 5 years?" I guess maybe after almost 6 years of blogging it's just natural to reevaluate to make sure this is all a good fit for me? IDK! We shall see! It's so hard because I still ENJOY writing posts and connecting...something just feels off in the back of my mind.
Emmah says
Wow, you’ve been blogging for a long time! I’d definitely miss your blog if you hung a closed sign, but I’d understand! I hope you’re able to pin point why you feel “off” <3 Sending all the good thoughts and prayers your way, lady!
If you ever want to be pen pals, just let me know 🙂 I adore writing letters and getting to talk to people the old fashioned way!
Jamie says
Thanks lady! I’m hoping I can figure out what feels off and how to fix it for this to be the fully rewarding experience it has been!
April Books & Wine says
I think maybe now may be the time to strike out and begin with that idea that you’ve been hinting about, that we talked about the other day via text. I feel like that is something that will get you excited about writing and blogging and chronicling your life again. It just seems like the timing is really right and ripe for that.
Whatever you do, I wholeheartedly support it. 🙂
Jamie says
Yeah I really do feel SO strongly about the idea ever since way back when I first told you about it til now. I think before it was like “I have these 2 ideas but don’t have time for both and I don’t want to quit book blogging” because I felt like I was still in a good place mostly with it. And now I do feel like we’ve hit this place where I’m like maybe I could just merge the ideas in a way. It might be less niche but OH WELL. It might make me happier. Though it’s so hard because I keep saying I’m ready to do that and then I come up with bunches and bunches of new book specific ideas lololol oh my life!! MY BRAIN! Love you and how you always are willing to talk me through these thoughts over the years!!
Kat c says
I’ve been blogging for 5 years and even though my blog isn’t as big as yours I feel the same way. I have been journaling since I was 12 and never put two and two together with blogging and journaling.
One thing I did to re-energize is start a romance blog with a pen name. It’s been fun being in a new bookish space and seeing the all their popular authors, conventions and memes.
Your blog is great and I hope you find what you need. I’ve connected to quite a few of your posts. Have you ever thought of freelancing ?
Jamie says
Isn’t it funny when you think about it — it’s like maybe the topic wouldn’t even matter? We just need to be writing. Obviously books are a big passion and a great thing to bond over and get excited about so it made a perfect fit for so many of us!
And how fun!! What a very innovative way to re-energize it for you!
And thank you for your kind words <3
I have thought about freelancing here and there but not seriously enough that I've pursued it!
Anne @ Books Baking and Blogging says
I haven’t been blogging for nearly as long as you yet, but I totally get how you feel! I love blogging, but the pressure I feel sometimes to get a blogpost out makes me wonder – do I still LIKE blogging? Same goes for when I’m procrastinating from writing a post. But then I DO write the post and I end up getting such a good feeling from finishing it and putting it up. Plus, the comments and the interaction and just simply SEEING your own words and creation as a finished whole on your blog… It makes it worth it, for me. 🙂
Your blog is one of the first ones I really started following (even though I don’t comment that often), and I still really love it! I hope you’ll find a way to make it rainbows and unicorns for yourself again. 🙂
Jamie says
It really is true — like you feel obligated to write on it so then you don’t ever know if you want to. It’s funny because sometimes I go on my mini vacations or my breaks from blogging and sometimes I extend it because I don’t feel led to come back but then other times I’m like OMG I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS AND I WANT TO WRITE RIGHT NOW so I know that I still enjoy it. And yes…that moment when you see some great and thoughtful comments and you are like YESSSSS this is why I do this…for the conversation.
Thank you for your kind words! <33 HOpefully I'll be able to figure out what has been off and why...and what I can do about it. Might be changing things up, dialing things down or changing direction....or just not being a blogger at all. Which I think would be so weird bc, as much as I can see disappearing from social media, I also think that would be so bizarre for me to not have a blog or some outlet like that. WE SHALL SEE!
Lisa @ Reading, Writing, and Random Musings says
You’ve just spoken to my soul with this post :). I have highly enjoyed blogging, but with a full time+ job and other responsibilities, I am struggling to find a good balance in my life at the moment. I had to let Twitter go because it was just too much for me, and I now put more into Instagram (it’s easier, less pressure, more enjoyable, and I love pics). I know that my stats aren’t nearly as good as other blogs, but I’ve decided that my main purpose is just to have an outlet to talk books (and other random things) with others. Once I let go of the stats piece, that helped me tremendously. I’m still trying to find balance with working out, writing a novel, and just being. One of my plans for the weekend is to take some serious time to journal and see if I can find some clarity! I love how open you are, and know that I often feel a connection to your posts! Thanks for sharing!
Jamie says
I hate AND love that I spoke to your soul? haha. Because I don’t want others to be feeling this way but also nice to not feel alone.
And FOR SURE…I wrote about it many many years ago but I think for me it was key early on to not let this be about stats because stuff like that will always change and putting your “blogging worth” in that basket? setting yourself up to feel not happy! I think that is why I have kept at this for so long because stats were never my FOCUS — sure I cared about them and I can’t say that SOMETIMES I didn’t let them get me down but then I would just refocus like okay these are fickle things and not representative of what I’m doing and how happy it makes me.
Hope your time journaling brings you clarity!! Thank you for your kind words <33
Kate @ The Bookaholic Blurbs says
Is this one of the things behind our Twitter talk about how we couldn’t figure out what to do then months before hitting our 30s?
Please don’t quit blogging.
I could say I’ve been on this up and down relationship with blogging and social media. I feel like everything is a competition unlike before. It is tiring most of the time. But I just always look back to the very foundation of the blog and why I started it and it helps tremendously to keep me going. I stopped forcing myself when it comes to — everything. I also try to just stick to Twitter and IG to avoid stressing myself. Facebook is kind of causing so much stress lately.
Please don’t quit blogging.
Am not sure if my comment makes any sense but know that am a tweet away if ever you need to share something. And this is so true “Sometimes the validation part gets sticky with the internet because it’s easy to wrap your worth up in it but there…” that is why lately, I put more value to conversations and friendships as opposed giving all the drama get to me.
I hope you figure this out and everything works for you. Cheers!
Kailana says
My blog is going to be 11 in December… Some years I am ‘omg, blogging’… Other years I am just… Maybe I should just delete my blog. I ultimately end up sticking around because I like blogging. I just get to a point sometimes where I don’t. I think the important thing is that whatever you decide to do, people always find the way back. And if you close up shop entirely, it is not that hard to keep in touch with people via other forms of social media.
Mel@thedailyprophecy says
I’m still struggling with finding a good balance between work, real life and blogging. Twitter is also no longer the place it used to be. Many people I talked with often have taken a step back and sometimes it feels like I’m looking at the blogging world from the sideline.. It seems like more people are in some sort of slump that is more serious than a regular slump. I hope you find a way to regain your blogging excitement back, because you are still one of my favorite person in the blogosphere. Your blog is always a big inspiration to me.
Bryan G. Robinson says
Social media: I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love sharing blog posts and reaading blog posts via social media, especially on Sunday mornings. I hate the other things: “trending stories,” “highlights,” and “moments.” I don’t care.
“Putting myself out there for the Internet”: I think for me, it’s becoming a balance. How much do I share, do I want to share? How much do I need to share?
Like you, I think it’s good to think about why you began your blog, how it’s evolved and where you want it to go. And those bloggers, book or otherwise, that I regulary follow are those who continue to think about the process.
A hot mess and an overthinker? Sure, it looks like that, but that’s not a bad thing. It can’t always be “all unicorns and glitter” and that’s okay too – as long as you mix some unicorns and glitter in once a while, I think. 🙂
Emily says
I have been blogging on and off for awhile now (I lost track honestly…) and I can definitely see where you are coming from. Sometimes I wonder if I should just change everything to find that spark again, but normally that doesn’t happen. Mostly because I like the simpleness of what I do. The bells and whistles scare me, but me writing about what I love…that doesn’t scare me. I think that even through these blah moments you have to try to get back to what you love. Don’t let things take over you, but let them be part of what you love about what you are doing.
I hope that you find whatever you need that helps you out. I have been reading your blog for awhile, and I can definitely say it’s my favorite. I have been so bad about going to blogs and commenting on them lately, but yours has always been a blog that I constantly come back to. Wishing you all the best and hope you find what brings you joy and makes you so happy you could scream in all of this. 🙂
Whitney @ Imaginary Book Club says
I have been blogging for nowhere near the amount of time that you have, but I think I know a bit of what you’re going through. I recently quit a career that I’ve been working in for about six years, and the feeling of disconnecting with that past life and how scary that was was HUGE. But at the same time, we change over time. The things that we loved six years ago might not be the same things that inspire and compel us to move forward today.
If you’re not feeling blogging right now, maybe it’s time for a bit of a break. I love reading your stuff, so maybe there’s a halfway closed? Maybe instead of completely shutting the door on blogging, you start contributing to another blog rather than managing the whole thing yourself? It could cut out some of those feelings related to focusing on numbers and social media, but let you keep an outlet for writing about the things that you care about, on your own schedule.
Candice says
Are we the same person?! I started journaling when I was six in a crappy Troll doll diary and then became obsessed with pen palling (I used to have around 20 at one point) and THEN live journal/dead journal. I hear you. I’m on the Camino now with only my phone and it’s been a crazy realisation about how much time I waste browsing online